Of Moving House and Visiting Teachers

Between work and dealing with the builder and figuring out what to get and what goes where in the new house and oh yeah, I moved in this weekend finally... I haven't actually had time to post updates! I don't think I've even shared a single photo of the new place here yet. I might just start posting random photo updates just coz that's faster and time isn't what I've got much of these days... (I actually started writing this post a week ago and haven't been able to finish it!!)

Oh yeah, and did I tell you Clayton Horton was also in town? He was here the last 2 weeks actually, and it's been great FINALLY having daily Mysore sessions at the shala. I'm totally lapping this up.

An observation I've made: I cannot function on 6 hours sleep, followed by a 2-hour practice, followed by a full-on 8 to 10-hour day at work. I used to make the joke that my yoga practice was the hardest thing I had to do of the day and since I'd be done with it by 8am, the world would seem all good after that. Unfortunately, I've realized that with what my job entails, I'm no longer sure if my practice is the hardest thing I do of the day. So you can imagine after Week #2 of Clayton in town, it's starting to kick my ass. I'm exhausted and miss the little afternoon naps I could take in Mysore to recover!

The first week Clayton was here, he also did a 3-day teachers' intensive. It counts for Yoga Alliance's 30hr continuing education credit. So glad I took some time off my day job just to reconnect with yoga and other yogis too! The first half of each day was spent discussing philosophy, and the second half of the day was spent on breaking down the Primary series and going through the various adjustments for it. It's been AGES since I've taught, and my adjustments are completely rusty now, I might need to start a little yoga-playgroup going to refresh my adjustments! Or maybe ask to assist my teacher at the shala... Too many things I want to do, so little time! Guess it'll have to happen AFTER the move and doing up the house. ;)

In the first couple days of Mysore classes, I was still getting back into my body and only doing Primary series. Like all teachers trained in the traditional Pattabhi Jois way, Clayton wanted to see me stand up from backbends, then dropback and stand up again 3 times before moving me onto Intermediate. I was totally crap the first few days - wobbly and crashing and hurling onto my knees... And then after a couple days, suddenly my body remembered what it had to do and everything clicked into place and it happened. WEIRD. I can't explain it except... er, muscle memory?

And since then he's been watching me do each pose at a time in Intermediate. He asked where I was up to, then said "Let's start with Pasasana". The next day after Pasasana, I lay down to do backbends then he told me to continue through to Bhekasana. And the day after that to go to Parsva Dhanurasana. And we're now up to Laghuvajrasana. I'm pretty happy hanging out here at this pose and working my way through it (my regular teacher M gave me Kapotasana about a week before Clayton arrived, but I am so totally not ready for it at all!) I've been so completely exhausted the past couple days of practice, I've been coasting my way through it, ie., not really putting in 100% effort. Conserving energy! I have my whole life to figure this out, I'm not gonna kill myself to try and impress a visiting teacher... ;)

There's something about this teacher-student relationship in Ashtanga that I find compelling. The student learning to submit to teacher - I totally get the humility and respect it takes to do this. Interestingly, I used to be of the theory that "you are your best teacher"... But I'm now going through the phase where I feel you can't really say you're your best teacher until you've had enough time and training with a GOOD teacher, who can spot your weaknesses and imbalances and guide you to where you need to be/ what you need to work on. Only when you've been shown the way and can feel it from within can you tap into that again when you're on your own.

A good teacher doesn't just help you physically on an asana level either...a good teacher can tell from the way you breathe how this can affect you energetically, or how it can affect your Vata/ Pitta/ Kapha doshas... (just from the quality of the breath, length of the breath, inhales versus exhales, at what point in the vinyasa you breathe and how this affects you, etc.) I realized this just from being in the same room as Clayton, seeing what he picks up on in different people's practices, including mine. Such wisdom comes from years of experience and a depth of study on various subjects.

While breaking down Laghuvajrasana with me one day, I had a moment of realization, that AHA! moment when I understood why some teachers put such a focus on learning to dropback and stand back up again before moving students onto the Intermediate series. It became totally apparent in Laghuvajrasana that day when Clayton was explaining how to use the inhale to come back up from the floor again (I still can't go all the way down to touch my head to the floor. If I do this, I get stuck and can't come back up). It's a totally similar movement/ action to standing up from a backbend!! It's using that inhale, pressing the hips up and forwards that's similar. Sounds easier than it is, of course.

A great thing that's spun off from his workshop series is there's a group of us who enjoy the regular morning practices so much to the point where we were bummed that the shala still only opens on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for morning Mysore classes. So we asked if the shala was STILL not gonna open on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, could we start a self-practice group on those mornings instead? And TA-DAH! We got a set of keys to share between us. :)

This morning, there were 5 of us in self-practice including Clayton (he flew off to Barcelona today and wasn't teaching; just practising). This little group feels really promising, hope we get to keep this up!

I have to say I've really enjoyed having a visiting teacher for a solid long stretch. 2 weeks is a luxury! Usually most workshops happen over a weekend or the teacher visits for a week... But having 2 solid weeks with the same teacher really helps expand one's practice just that little bit more. And the whole shala just feels a lot more inspired too.

So now maybe I need to start working on my next post - the before and after shots of the apartment!! Mind you, there's still sweet f**k all in the living room except for a TV. I'm thinking of having a ghetto-style housewarming party where everyone has a picnic on the floor (nope, the sofa hasn't arrived yet). And since the kitchen doesn't get installed until 2 weeks' time... People will just have to order takeaway pizzas or bring their own food. Hehe. Fun times!! :)


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What the Governator Taught Me About Laghuvajrasana

Yes, I'm referring to Arnold Schwarzenegger. You know, that BEEFCAAAAAAAAKE megalomaniac sex-fiend? Yessiree, he taught me something about yoga.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

A couple weeks ago, I went to a screening of "Pumping Iron". It's a cult-classic documentary from the late '70s about the world of bodybuilding. And of course, it stars good old Arnie, pre-Hollywood fame. He was already the 5-time Mr. Universe/ Olympia winner by this time and was defending his 1975 title for the last time before retiring from bodybuilding. A 24-year old Lou Ferrigno, aka The Incredible Hulk, also makes an appearance as the "pipsqueak" upstart who hopes to take the title from old-man-Arnie (or rather, Lou's dad seems more intent on this).


I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this. It is a HILARIOUS documentary that gives a good glimpse into the mindset of what it takes for world domination. At least in the bodybuilding world. And actually, maybe this same narcissistic god-complex is required to make it in Hollywood too. And maybe also in politics, if Arnie's behaviour and later accomplishments in life are anything to go by.

There are some priceless gems spouted out of Arnie that make you go "WTF?!? This guy ACTUALLY became the Governor of California and was seriously considering running for President?!" Case in point, my favourite WTF moment when he was talking about how bodybuilding made him feel:

‎

"It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven."
- Arnie

... ... ...

I mean, seriously right?!? I was in hysterics with a good LOL. (Especially considering the whole fiasco with his housemaid in the past month)

Anyway, while doubled over in laughter, Arnie also said something else that made me recall what my yoga teacher was telling me about building up my leg strength for Laghuvajrasana. She said that I should go down and come up a few times, going down lower each time, or at least training myself to keep dipping down lower each time before holding there for the final 5 counts. If I don't do this, my body will never get used to how it should be pushing itself lower to the ground.

Arnie basically said the same thing about doing reps in training. He said his competitor would do 10 reps of something, but he would go beyond this, doing an extra few more... coz "the last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."

OK, so maybe only the first sentence in that quote is applicable. The rest is completely egotistical, unyogic and totally not applying Ahimsa to one's self.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Well, at least I got something out of that, right? Basically - don't be a wuss. To get the hang of Laghu, I should just rinse-and-repeat like my teacher and Arnie say. From a physical point-of-view, at least I know what good I'm doing.

Yeah Arnie, I'm gonna be a champion, just like you! *cough*

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Union... With Pain?

As my boss instructed, I've been going to yoga this week. And I've noticed something interesting I hadn't noticed before.

After a month of on-and-off flakey practice, without any semblance of even the full Primary series at any one point in time... Getting back on the mat again was of course going to be brutal. Apart from the obvious muscle atrophy - OK, that's a bit dramatic but you know what I mean with the loss of strength and flexibility... I also started to notice how out of alignment I'd become - that weird scoliosis in my tailbone that's twisting my pelvis hadn't been noticeable in the last month, but in the last week since I've been back on the mat, my pelvis and back have started to feel out of whack again. The knots in my shoulders and neck which hadn't been noticeable in the past month have suddenly flared up again and are screaming out for help. So I've booked an appointment with my Osteopath.

With the amount of bodywork I've had over the years, I know that these chronic issues didn't just "suddenly flare up". They've always been there, I just haven't been tuned in enough to feel them. Which makes me wonder... I've tended to "blame the yoga" for some of these muscle knots and aches that I've had. It's easy to think this way especially since I'm starting to feel them again now that I've started up my practice again.

Now I'm realizing that it's not actually the physical yoga that's causing these knots and aches. My body issues are there and have been there... The yoga's just helped me tune into them. In the past couple of years, I've learnt that most of my issues are simply posture and ergonomics when I sit at my desk, coupled with the effects of the scoliosis. I can't believe that a month without practice had made me so out of tune with my body - to the point where it didn't feel like I had anything wrong. Actually, I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Coz now that I'm more in tune and feeling these aches and pains, I've gotta spend more money to do something about it!

Yoga as "Union" - a blessing and a curse at the same time. HA!

So it's back to the Osteo tomorrow for a bit of a tune-up.

In other practice news, I've still been working on standing back up from dropbacks. It's touch and go: sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. Today, teacher M said something so many teachers before her have told me "You're thinking too much about it. Don't think, just do." She told me to stop rocking back and forth so many times before standing up, coz she can see me starting to analyze the move the more I rock. HAHA! (I think I usually take about 4 rocks before hurling myself up?) So I cut it down to about 2 (I think? I dunno, I wasn't counting. See? I stopped thinking about it!) And her advice worked! Somehow when there's a teacher's eagle-eye on you too, you're just able to channel something from within and just do it. Weird.

Also, since my practice at the shala has been sporadic, I've only mostly been practicing the Primary series while I've been there. I've started to add back my Intermediate poses again and today teacher M asked "You're not doing Kapotasana?" I replied my last pose given was Laghuvajrasana. And she dangled the carrot in front of me by saying "Oh, I think you're ready for Kapo, but let's see you practice through Laghu a few times more first if that's been your last pose."

Holy shit! OK, I know you're not supposed to want poses and to be honest, I'd given up hope already having been stuck at Laghuvajrasana for 1.5 years now. HAHAHA! So this is kind of exciting. There is some kind of method to this madness of being given poses... Right now, I'm finding it's injected a renewed enthusiasm for my practice. I could've mail-ordered a pair of Lululemons for a similar effect, but somehow this feels more satisfying. And smug. ;) I'm allowing my ego some room here even though I'm TOTALLY counting my chickens before they hatch (which never bodes well, so the ego will be properly put back in place in no time...) :p

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Born-Again Ashtangi

Greetings from London!

I've been here... almost 3 weeks now. And it's been pretty quiet on this blog. I've been thinking about this... and it's interesting I've had the same attitude towards blogging as I've had towards my Ashtanga practice recently.

"I should practice today. But I haven't in a while. It's gonna be too hard"

*GIVE UP*

"I should blog today. But I haven't in a while. It's gonna be too hard."

*GIVE UP*

To be fair, I did start out writing a post, but I had dodgy internet connection and Blogger didn't save everything I'd written... and since I'd lost all the precious thoughts I'd penned, it was just too hard to start all over again.

And so I didn't. And 1 day of not blogging became 3 weeks of not blogging. Eish. Like my lack of Ashtanga practice - 1 day of no practice became 1 month of no practice. Double Eish.

With the yoga, of course I'd done the occassional Vinyasa-Flow class along the way and thought "Hey, I can do these funky arm balances, I'm still strong!" ...Now of course it's not just about the physicality of the poses - I did derive loads of peace and calm from the Vinyasa classes; got in tune with my body; centred my Self.

HOWEVER... what I have discovered, now that I've been back into an almost-daily Ashtanga practice while in London - this practice is really an AMAZING yardstick for you to check in with yourself on so many levels.

1. From a purely physical level - yes, I can tell how much strength I've lost in 1 month. Even though I've been maintaining some kind of "physical exercise" with Vinyasa classes, I thought I was keeping up my strength and stamina... And boy was I wrong. This time around in London, I thought I'd check out the other highly recommended teacher, Phillipa, from TY. Within the first Ashtanga Mysore self-practice class (the first in 1 month)... I was floored. The second class barely 2 days later, was even worse. Stiff and creaky, nothing moving, lost touch with the bandhas... I was gobsmacked HORRIFIED.

2. From an Ego point-of-view - it's made me eat humble pie.
For the first week, I could only manage 4 days' practice, and only Full Primary. I've lost my bind in Supta Kurmasana COMPLETELY (still can't find it back), and also my standing up from dropbacks. When I asked Teacher P "When should I start putting my Intermediate series poses back into my practice again?" She replied "When you can stand up again from backbends."

Needless to say - that first week back on the mat was huff-and-puff week, and my body had NO CLUE what the heck what I was trying to make it do when attempting to stand up again from backbends. There was A LOT of mental chatter...

"I CAN DO THIS! I KNOW I CAN DO THIS! I've done it before, I can do it again. And soon!"

"Well, come along then... DO IT."

*Huff* *Puff *Huff *Puff*

Body to Brain still went... "What the Eff?!"



3. Non-attachment and learning to surrender to the process.
I figured I might as well put my 2010 reminder of "Joyful Surrender" into practice, even on the mat. Sure - I could do all these poses before. Now, I can't do some of them.

So...?

Does that make me a better or worse person?

Neither.

It just is.

It's been said so many times that it's now a cliche, but it's true - it's not about the physical asana pose and whether you can do it, but it's about the process you go through internally to get to it.

In my case - I felt such a mash-up of feelings... going through the whole process of tuning into the body to the point where it "clicks" in a pose, and then losing that connection to the pose completely, and then having to go through the same process all over again of trying to find that connection once more - it was familiar and frustrating. Most of all, it brought up feelings of regret.

"Why did I ever think stopping my self-practice was a good idea?!"
(Er... because work got busy, social life got busy... and general other bits of living life are actually important too? Hello?)

It just is.

So it feels like I had to start from scratch again and just give up all my expectations of what my practice "should be" like at this point and just see that IT JUST IS.

4. Your practice comes back (aka "Practice and all is coming")
The second week back on the mat went much better than the first. I got back into a full 6-day practice and it wasn't as much of a struggle to get on the mat as it was in the first week. (Plus, it helps when you have a teacher you click with. Joey was filling in this week for P, and he gave awesome adjustments so I was looking forward to get to class).

I was a bit of a rogue yogi since P was away and J has never seen my practice if I could stand up yet from backbends... So I decided to just carry onto my Intermediate series poses. Lo and behold, what do you know... that very same practice after carrying out my "illegal" Intermediate practice, I stood up from all 3 dropbacks. Something just clicked and my body remembered.

Thank Holy Hell.

Over the next few days they were intermittent - some days I'd nail them all and other days I'd land on my knees, but I'm making steady progress.

To digress, the other thing that's still NOT coming is Laghuvajrasana. The International Conspiracy continues. J spent about 5 minutes with me breaking that down (another post for another time. But when he came over to help, he said "Let me guess - this is your favourite pose?" Seriously?! Is it THAT obvious to everyone?)

5. Proof that it's possible to work crazy hours and still keep a regular morning Mysore practice.
Yes, it's FUCKING DIFFICULT, but it's possible. I did it this trip. (OK maybe not the night when we were working till midnight, but other nights that ended at 10pm, I've still got on the mat at 7am the next day.) It's probably not sustainable over the long term, but it makes me wonder when "I'm just too busy" can be used as an excuse not to get on the mat.

Part of me is wondering if having a good teacher, or rather, having a teacher you click with makes all the difference in motivating you to get on the mat. Yes, I know it shouldn't JUST be about the teacher, but I have to admit... it does make a difference. I am afraid if this is the case for me, coz... What happens when I get back to Amsterdam? I still haven't found "MY" teacher there yet!!

6. Yoking the Mind-Body-Spirit connection. Jeez. That sentence sounds so airy-fairy, but I dunno how else to put it. Since starting this Amsterdam job, the stress levels have got the better of me and my dirty old habit of smoking (yes, CIGARETTES) has made an appearance. I've mentioned this on and off - as I'd picked it up only on and off in the past few months.

BUT.

It started to become a problem. Like... I was officially a smoker again. After 5 years of quitting, might I add... Spare the tut-tutting and passing judgment, please. Go tut-tut somewhere else.

I think this might explain some of the reason why I'd fallen off the Ashtanga practice-bandwagon. I felt like a fraud. (How can I smoke and practice yoga at the same time? Umm... Hello? How can I deny I'm only human?)

At the point when I decided "Enough is enough", I had to clean up the temple that is my body - I decided to go on a caffeine AND nicotine detox 2 weeks ago. It has been easier than I thought initially (except for TERRIBLE headaches I got in the first couple days). In the first week I was probably substituting SUGAR for the caffeine and nicotine, but this week I think I've been getting a grip on the sugar intake.

Getting back on my yoga mat has been part of this detox/ getting-in-tune-with-my-body process as well (Plus, the deep Ujjayis probably kill any kind of fag-craving.) ("fags" are Brit for "cigs")

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That's my observation on life in the past 3 weeks so far. I haven't taken a single photo either while in London (GASP!) coz I haven't charged my camera (just like my Ashtanga and blogging, I was probably thinking "It's just too hard!") HA.

But... I'm back!

PS. I'm here in London till mid-September. I left my Amsterdam apartment, y'know, the one I'd only moved into for 3 days before I had to leave for London, thinking I'd be back home again in 1 week. Well... I haven't been back yet. By the time I finally leave, I'd have been in London a whole month.

Coming To Terms With Laghuvajrasana

Sorry, another post on my "favourite" pose. Bear with me, I'm trying to work things out with her so I need to talk about it! (Yes, I have personified Laghu and made it a "Her" coz she's a BITCH.) HAHAHA!

OK, so here's something new from yesterday's practice: I wasn't angry with Laghuvajrasana.

*SHOCK* *HORROR* *GASP*

I'm also sure it's only for that ONE day, yesterday. HAHA.

I'd been reading Osho's book on "Courage" all morning and I guess I was living that day in my head, thinking about the things he wrote about. So I think that also helped to get my practice in the afternoon to an extremely quiet place.

Don't get me wrong. I was dead beat by the time I got to Ustrasana. And even more so by the time I got to Laghu... but I didn't have that mental tantrum playing up in my thoughts like I usually do. I just went about it methodically remembering what Teacher H had said... "Knees slightly closer together, feet slightly further apart. Hands grab ankles, bent elbows and firm arms. Push shins and tops of feet into the ground. It's OK if your knees lift off the ground."

That's what I distilled of everything he has said in the past week in London. Well, for where I'm at with the pose - it works for me now anyway. It may not be the right thing to do for anyone else coz... well, you know how I'm a baby with this pose, right?

So as I was going down and thinking "Legs! Legs! Legs!" (y'know, just to remind myself NOT to backbend into it)... it felt like the pose made a little bit more sense to my body. For once, I wasn't thinking "What the fuck am I supposed to be doing with what now?!"

I just got on with it. (Who knows if it was "right" or not? HAHAHA!)

At one point, it felt like my knees were starting to lift off the ground and I started panicking, but then remembered H said that for now, it's OK if they lift off. So I let that fear go and got on with it. My head's still nowhere near the floor, but that's OK.

AND THEN!!! ...Massive, sharp cramps in my calves! Both sides! This always seems to happen at some point in Laghuvajrasana.

So I stopped, pressed an acupressure point beneath both second toes (another trick I picked up from Teacher H), and did Laghu again another 2 times. I suppose a good indication of physical progress with the pose will be the day that comes when I don't get cramps in my calves. Hehe.

Laghuvajrasana and I are not friends yet. No, not yet. But I'm hoping I'm coming to understand her a little bit better.

After practice, I went for another floating session. Ahhhhhh... complete post-yoga bliss. I think I almost fell asleep coz I was both so tired and relaxed.

Ooh look! Iyengar-style Chair-Laghuvajrasana. (But dude, you're not using your legs enough this way).

*KWA KWA KWA*

Hello from London!

An interesting thing happened at practice this morning. I was back at AYL with teacher H. He seems to be "my" teacher in the past month or so... only coz I've been the most "consistently" practicing with him since uprooting my life from my last teacher in Sydney in February. I've gone to him now a few days out of every week in the past month, dependent on my work schedule while in London.

First, he corrects my Dhanurasana to Parsva Dhanurasanas. To be honest, I've always just gone direct from Dhanurasana after 5 breaths straight into Parsva Dhanurasana. Apparently you're supposed to vinyasa in between. OOPS. Guess I've gotten sloppy, or just forgotten, after having a very sporadic second series practice.

And then... Guess What? The International Laghuvajrasana Conspiracy continues.

Yup, that's right folks. He made me do it again and again and again too. Just like my teacher in Sydney, and teacher James in Singapore did too. BUT! He was much kinder in "allowing" to stay down for one breath every time I got down.

Have I ever mentioned how OVER IT I am with Laghu? I must have.

*I will not curse and swear again at Laghuvajrasana*

Actually, today I wasn't angry with the pose. I was more defeated by the pose. If my practice had a gaming sound effect, it would be the GAME OVER *Kwa Kwa Kwa* sound effect.

H explained that while Ustrasana is the backbend that prepares you for Kapotasana, Laghuvajrasana is the leg-strengthener that prepares you for Kapotasana (in essence: STOP TRYING TO BACKBEND INTO IT!) He tried something a little different from the other teachers today. He told me to try it kneeling with my knees closer together, and feet slightly further apart. And he also said it's OK to have my elbows a little bit bent as I'm going down as long as both arms are completely firm and strong. Kinda like this I suppose?

(Photo credit here)

My brain to body is not quite connecting this information yet, I think. I think I'm still trying to get my head around THIS IS NOT A BACKBEND! Coz I tend to puff my chest out a bit as I'm going down. But look! Even the dude in the picture above kinda sorta has a backbend.

BLERGGHHHHHHHHHHH. I fucking hate this pose. It confuses the bejeezus out of me. Can you tell? You guys have given so many great comments too in the past. But now it feels like I'm having a "computer says No" moment.

Teacher H could tell. By the time he came over to help me with assisted dropbacks, he said "You're trying too hard in Laghuvajrasana". "Just grab the heels firmly and press feet into the floor."

Right.

I'm definitely hitting the brick wall now and ready to thrown in the towel. I've said it a million times over and I'll say it again: FUCK YOU, LAGHU!! I also know I just have to give in to this frustration and just practice, practice, practice and at some point I will stop caring. By this I mean that I will stop trying too hard. And ironically, it will be the day I stop caring, hence stop trying too hard, that I come to a breakthrough with this pose. I know it coz it has happened before in many other poses before this. But still... even though it's all still head knowledge I can't help feeling what I feel with this GODDAMNBLOODYFUCKINGANNOYING asana.

Sorry. *I will not curse and swear again at Laghuvajrasana*

At the end of class today, I thanked him for his feedback and also told him I haven't had a regular teacher I've been going to since I've been in Amsterdam. H said "Yes, I can tell." Wow. The force is with him. Also - it made me think... Has my practice become THAT sloppy since leaving Sydney?

Farkin ell.

*Kwa Kwa Kwa* Today's practice is a very defeated one indeed. But I just gotta keep reminding myself: it's just today. Tomorrow is another day and another practice.

Intermediate Rocks And Sucks At Once

I'm realizing now that the Ashtanga Intermediate Series makes me ANGRY.

Like... balls-out PISSED OFF.

Not at anything in particular, but I think more at the series itself. "GODDAMNSTOOPIDBACKBENDS! WHY DO THERE HAVE TO BE SOOOOOOOOO MANY BLOODY BACKBENDS? And then finished off with EVEN MORE closing backbends, MORE dropbacks and MORE assisted dropbacks?!? Why the heck did anyone think up all of this?!"

As they say in Mandarin: TA MA DE! (translation: Your Mother!) Goodness gracious, I'm not even well into the series yet, can you imagine when I get even further?

It was pretty apparent coz it's been A WHILE since I've practiced the second series. I've just been concentrating on the Primary series since I've been travelling and have had an irregular practice.

So on Sunday, Susan said to go up to wherever I felt like I could, since I was hesitant if I should even be going past Primary yet. I figured since I was at a shala with teacher assistance, I might as well take the opportunity and go for it.

I got up to Parsva Dhanurasana and everything in me just yelled STOOOOOOOOOP!

So I stopped. (Not stooped. Ha.)

On Sunday, I was OBLITERATED up to there. I knew I had 2 more poses to go, but thought: Fuck it.

This morning at AYL, I tried again all the way up to Laghuvajrasana. By the time I was at Ustrasana, I thought I was ready to yell out loud. At what, I have no idea. I probably wanted to shout: THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT!!

By the time I was done with all of it, I lay down on my mat before the closing backbends for a while to catch my breath. And that's when I got totally and completely BALLS OUT ANGRY. It's pretty funny now, thinking about it. I probably would've thrashed around in a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming in a rage if no one else was around. I think the thought of doing MORE closing backbends, dropbacks and assisted dropbacks also didn't help my irritation.

OK, so maybe backbends brings up all this stuff... Maybe I'm full of latent anger. HAHA. You know what? I vaguely recall going through this when I was first given intermediate. And I even found the post from then to prove it. This is very interesting. It's like I hit the rewind button coz I'm going through THE SAME EMOTIONS all over again.

This sucks.

Bookworm Weekend

This weekend was the first weekend since being here that I've actually had a chilled weekend. I was going to go on a day tour of the Dutch countryside, but then I figured "NO. I need to rest." (in today's horrible word-combo world, that would be "chillax")

So I went to the book store and picked up 3 books:
Michael Pollan's "In defense of food"
Jonah Lehrer's "How we decide"
Elizabeth Gilbert's "Committed"



Michael Pollan is my hero. What can I say... his "The Omnivore's Dilemma", discovered through reading Sharon Gannon's Yoga & Vegetarianism made me re-think the way I eat. So of course I have to read his follow-up book.

Jonah Lehrer is someone I just discovered over the weekend - Karen had linked to an article he had written on insomnia, and during one of my insomniac bouts I dug around for more info on the dude and thought this looked like a good read. HA.

And yeah... well y'know, "Committed" is Gilbert's follow-up book to "Eat Pray Love". HAHAHA! I like my chick-lit. Shut up!

I finished "Committed" in a day. Er... I have to say I didn't enjoy it as much as the first book. I found myself rolling my eyes a lot and going "blahblahblah... it's getting a bit self-absorbed now". But well, that's what a memoir is, innit? What she did get me interested in though, is an author she referenced a lot - Stephanie Coontz. I'd like to check out her book "Marriage, a history". Yeah, a book on... er, the history of marriage.

Gilbert herself mentioned some historical bits that were pretty eye-opening... and the institution of marriage today really didn't start out the way it did (the Church initially opposed marriage?!)

I figured if this insomnia continues, at least I'll have some books to read in the middle of the night. See, I'm learning to "joyfully surrender" to insomnia. HAHAHA. :)

On Saturday, I decided I needed to practice some yoga. Sure it was a Saturday and an official "no practice" day, but I'd skipped a few days before that coz of long days at work. It was probably one of the hardest ever practice sessions I've had. I had every intention of finishing up to Laghuvajrasana, but I kept wanting to jump off the mat.

I didn't start the practice wanting to jump off, but the more I got into it, the heavier I felt, and the less connected to my physical body I felt. Because I had such a hard time gelling the practice, everything in my mind said "BLECHHHHHHHH! STOP! STOP! STOP!" ...but I soldiered on. At the end of Setu Bandhasana I thought "F&£^ this shit, I've had enough".

Well... Not a proud moment (swearing on the mat?!) But... at least I finished Primary, I suppose?

Yesterday, after a whole day of procrastinating, I decided to get back on the mat in the late afternoon. I think I was afraid of having the same hard time I'd had on the mat the day before, so was trying to make excuses not to do it. So much of this practice is a mindgame, innit? ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S SELF-PRACTICE!!!

I'm glad I did it. I kinda breezed through it and felt a lot lighter and stronger than the day before. And seriously, I think Laghuvajrasana is really starting to become mine. Well, at least the pose is starting to feel less like a mission, and more like a huge expansion. YAY! (I'm even squeezing those thighs together as I'm going down and sure, they're still burning, but it seems a lot more manageable now)

So... here's the next obvious question: if you're practising on your own, how do you know when you're ready to move onto the next pose? (I feel like I'm opening Pandora's Box here..) Heh.

Since I'm a fan of Elizabeth Gilbert, thought I'd leave off with the trailer of "Eat Pray Love", coming in August. (Julia Roberts plays her? ...and Javier Bardem plays Felipe?! WTF?!)

Intermediate Self-Practice vs. Me: Round 1

I did it! My first home self-practice of the Intermediate series. Up until the last pose my Sydney teacher gave me - that dreaded Laghuvajrasana. This was the first time I practiced Intermediate PROPERLY on my own. *Curtsy*

I dunno why it was such a big deal or why I had such a mental block with it. Today I decided: Enough is enough. No more excuses, just do it. No more just stopping after Primary, or even shortcutting Primary just to get to Salabhasana (skipping so many poses in between!)

And breaking it down the simplest, most fuss-free way to do it... I figured I might as well practice just as my teacher had told me to - with that weird split, cutting out UHP up till Dandasana. I figured for now at least, it might just make it less of a mental block for me, making it a little "easier" to handle. Heh.

It worked. I had a Pavlovian dog response. At this point, I'll try anything to try and get into a home-practice groove.

And even Laghuvajrasana today actually felt open. *GASP*

I still don't like the pose of course, and my head is still far away from the floor. But as I was hanging just at that point where I couldn't handle it anymore - any further and I would've crashed my head onto the floor... I actually felt like "Hey, everything in my body is exploding but I'm feeling a lovely chest expansion".

It was weird, but a nice feeling. :)

And by the fifth breath, as I was pressing my shins into the floor like there was no tomorrow, both calves suddenly cramped up. What the eff?! Is that supposed to happen?

So I stopped, did a vinyasa, and decided to do Laghuvajrasana again (Yes I did it again. Damn you Laghu, I'm gonna nail you.) And AGAIN, on the fifth breath, both calves cramped up. Maybe I'm just trying too hard or pushing the shins into the floor too hard.

It was a practice that was 12 hours late (7pm instead of 7am), but better late than never, right? I'll try and see if I can finally kick myself out of bed earlier to practice tomorrow morning.

Oh, the other thing is - this lopsided, slanting floor is starting to really annoy me. I already have a crooked pelvis I'm trying to straighten, so trying to determine if laying flat on the floor doesn't actually feel "flat" is coz of the pelvis or coz of the floor is starting to do my head in.

I might start laying my mat in different places to see if maybe practicing in the bedroom or the kitchen might be better. Bahaha! That would be a sight. Kitchen practice would probably be too distracting, with those stroopwafels within reach.

Sigh. This Beige Heaven apartment will be fine. We will get into some kind of self-practice groove. I'm just not sure if these will be better alternative practice spaces!

The International Laghuvajrasana Conspiracy

I think I must have the words "I lurrrrrrve Laghuvajrasana. Won't you make me do it over and over and over again? Please?" tattoed on my forehead.

Either that, or my teachers in Sydney and Singapore read this blog and enjoy torturing me... or it must be plain obvious from the expression on my face that I actually have a problem with this asana (a problem of the "MASSIVE HATRED" kind)... Or maybe I just plain and simple suck at it.

Oh, hello from Singapore by the way.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of eating, drinking, catching up with family, running errands, running more errands... and I just haven't had the time to really get online and have a bit of a brain-fart here.

Just that I thought it was funny how my teacher here made me do THE SAME THING my teacher in Sydney made me do with Laghu. Go down, come up. Go down, come up. Go down, come up. Go down - find that edge before your legs give up - Come up. Do it again. Again. Again. Again. AGAIN. It's a conspiracy!!

FANG PI!!

I actually said out loud at one point "I fucking hate this pose" after coming up (call me the cussing yogi). Teacher James was right in front of me, assisting with pulling my hips forward. I said it into his face.

He replied "You and almost everyone else." (in essence: GET OVER YOURSELF)

I KNOW I just need to shaddup and DO it. Get over this mental resistance. But at this point, I can't. The moment I'm finishing Ustrasana, doom & gloom sets in and I feel like jumping straight to the closing sequence.

Or just laying down on my mat kicking and screaming and saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

But I still have some semblance of dignity. I'm just silently throwing a tantrum in my head. Blech.

Anyways, in today's Primary practice, James got a bee in his bonnet about my jump-throughs. He stuck his leg under me while I was in down-dog, about to jump through to the next seated pose.

Okaaaaaaay. He wants me to jump higher, over his leg.

So I kinda sorta did. Clumsily. (The guy's leg was THERE! How not to be clumsy?!)

But after a few tries I kinda got it. My down-dog's been too short... he made me take my feet further back, which then allows you to jump your hips higher up, which then makes your jump-throughs much more graceful and actually easier in a weird way. (...which will then eventually lead to straight-legs jumpthroughs.) NOW I see how straight-legs jump-throughs could be physically possible. Not that I'm anywhere close to doing it, but the mechanics of it kinda makes sense now. Had a bit of an AHA! moment.

I mean, I had a bit of a mini-pause in mid-air as my hips were at the highest point and I was pressing down through my palms like in a handstand and my bandhas were fully locked and everything felt aligned... and then I felt like a rockstar (OK, not rockstar. Maybe Swenson-esque. Even though it definitely didn't look anything like a Swenson-esque jump-through AT ALL. It just felt like it in my head!)

And then after that, Teacher got a bee in his bonnet about EVERYONE'S jump-thoughs, and stuck his leg under everybody as they were jumping through (there were only 6 of us this morning, so it was nice and intimate). I had a good laugh and almost fell out of headstand because of the distracting commotion of everyone getting Teacher's leg shoved under them.

It's after midnight and I'm falling asleep writing this, so this Cinderella's taking me back to my pumpkin dreams. Apologies if this has been a disjointed post. x

PS. I got Ustrasana & Laghuvajrasana Today

I think my Teacher's just cramming as many poses in as she can before I go.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Just when I was thinking today in that last Dhanurasana after the Parsva Dhanurasanas "OH! I have some strength to lift these legs higher!" and then gave it my all, she came round and said "Next pose".

Dammit. Should've saved some energy!

Ustrasana's OK. No problems here (er... I used to practice some Bikram, remember? You do it in every single class. Heh.)

Laghuvajrasana on the other hand... can go to hell. I have found my least favourite pose EVER. (I felt like screaming out today "LAGHU YOU PIECE OF SHIT ASANA! WHY WERE YOU EVER INVENTED?!??")

When I've practiced this pose before, you walked your hands to grab your knees (like how Swenson has it in his practice manual, if I can remember correctly.) (Sorry, all my yoga books are being shipped to Cape Town right now, I only have Maehle's on me).
Kinda like this:

(Picture credit here)

So you get more of a backbend.

But today, teacher insisted on having me keep my hands on calves and bring the head further back (kinda like where Arjuna's hands are in the pic above). So it's less of a backbend, more of a leg strengthener. HOLYMOTHEROF$#&(($%@#&(*%&. My legs were burning.

I was confused how/ where the hands should go and she got annoyed and kept saying "Keep your hands where they are!" I guess I kept fiddling with my hand position then she got even more fed up and also used Guruji's phrase "BAD LADY!" as a joke while she brought my hands back to where they should be again for the umpteenth time. It cracked me up WHILE I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POSE and then of course everything went downhill.

I can go down but I can't come up. The amount of quad & core strength this takes blows my mind.

To top it off, she made me do it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... I think I must've done it about 4 or 5 times. On top of this, she showed me some variations for how to practice on my own to build leg strength for the coming-up part. And then she said "Do it again".

Farkin ell.

One of her Assistants was practising next to me and she said "Giles, show her!" Poor Giles had to stop where he was to do me a private demo... Bloody hell, he made it look so easy! Grrr.

Then after class she asked when I was flying - I said tomorrow night. She said I should just practice Primary only tomorrow then. Only a "light practice" when you've got big travel ahead of you. HAHAHAHAHA. Only in the world of Ashtanga is full Primary considered a "light practice". But after today's ass-whipping, I'll be looking forward to it.

This will probably be my last post from Sydney. I've gotta be the chambermaid now and spruce up this apartment (so the landlord has no reason not to give us back our full deposit), and then I'll be tearing around town tomorrow before handing back the keys and heading off to the airport. Probably no time to write I think.

I'll be home in Singapore on Wednesday and spending a few days here before heading off to Cape Town. Will be practicing at The Yoga Shala, so more of an ass-whipping lies ahead with Teacher J!

B'bye Sydney... You've been good to me (and heckuva lot of good to my yoga practice).

Post-Primary Wooden Backbends & More B'bye Sydney!

Yesterday's full primary practice sailed along nicely. The one thing that jumped out as feeling exceptionally different were my backbends (and dropbacks).

The backbends felt like a dead, straight plank of wood. I was like "EH?!?"

Wow, getting used to doing regular Urdvha Dhanurasana after all those Salabhasanas/ Dhanurasanas/ Parsva Dhanurasanas in intermediate MAKE SUCH A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE to how open your backbends feel later in the closing sequence.

I had stopped doing reverse-namaste hangbacks before dropbacks coz my back usually feels nicely cracked open already after all the intermediate backbends. But yesterday's full primary practice meant I had to go back to doing those reverse-namaste hangbacks coz I could feel even in my 3rd Urdvha Dhanurasana that my entire spine just felt so stiff.

And the dropbacks were also quite rubbish. I almost grazed my head on the floor the first couple of times. And this hasn't happened in quite a while, so I was like DOUBLE "EH?!?"

It reminded me of what a twitter pal, @ruechel said: "Backbends are like pancakes. The first 2 are no good." HAHAHAHA!

On Thursday, the office made me a farewell card. I look like the (naked) 50ft woman of Table Mountain. (See how they photoshopped my right shoulder coz there was actually someone next to me covering it? I have 2 left shoulders. My shoulders look like one of Victoria Beckham's pointy jacket outfits!)


And if you've been following me on Twitter, you'll no doubt have read all of my moaning and whining about getting used to the Nokia dumbphone and trying to soup it up to be more "Blackberry-esque".

BUT.

I am also grateful that at least I have a phone (with data connection capabilities, no less). Heh. Since it is an inherited phone, I came across some beautiful shots of Sydney that Kelly had taken when we first got here.

Seems pretty poetic that as I'm leaving here, I stumble across the photos we took when we first arrived.

Here's a gorgeous view of the QVB (aka Queen Victoria Building) and the rest of town at night, from our apartment window.


And views of the iconic Harbour Bridge & Opera House (while on the ferry ride to Manly).




Gorgeous! OK, maybe I should stop the whining. At least this phone takes better photos than the Blackberry did.

Handstands, Dropovers & the Final Dhanurasana's Coming Along

Yesterday was Australia Day. Given that Australia isn't a Republic (yeah, they still pay the Queen to use the Union Jack in their flag and to use her image on their currency... oh, and Prince William just made a 3-day rockstar tour here too. Not bad in exchange for paying them off. HAHA.) (Oh dear, my Ozzy friends are gonna clobber me now. I am only joking).

Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy! OY! OY! OY! (By the way, I thought all along that this phrase was a JOKE. But evidently it's not. Everybody was going around town yesterday shouting this out. It was really funny.)

Anyways, Teacher was really pushing everyone hard yesterday. She made one of my friends do 6 dropbacks (that's double her regular practice)... and she made me do handstands and dropovers to backbend - THREE times. Handstands aren't a regular part of my practice - if Teacher's Assistants are helping me with whatchamacallitasanas-crossed hands on chest and dropback- then they usually don't get me to do handstands afterwards.

Only if Teacher herself is assisting me, she'll sometimes get me to do handstands/ dropovers. I think she checks out my energy level first and determines whether I can go for it or not.

I was fine after the first one, then she said "Again". I was like ?!? (I've only ever done them once at a time). So OK... I did it again.

After the second one, she said "Again".

This time, I was like ?!?!?????@$&^$&!@(*&#$???

She physically dragged me from the top of my mat to the back of it coz I think I was digging my heels in. HAHA. I said out loud "SERIOUSLY? AGAIN?!?" (my friend who had just done 6 dropbacks and nursing her jelly legs by now heard me from across the room. Heh.)

Teacher said "Well, what are you doing after this? It's a holiday today, right? So... do it again." Phwoar. She can be pretty hardcore.

I forgot, or more like I couldn't find my bandhas on the 3rd go. HAHAHA. So I fell out, and had to jump up AGAIN. She let me hold for only 2 counts on the final handstand. At least she's kind too.

ANYWAYS... After TODAY's practice, she asked me how I felt today, and whether yesterday's handstands wiped me out. I actually felt pretty OK today, not too tired at all. So Teacher said "Good. Your stamina's coming along." ...and then she said she knows she gave me a good whack of poses in one shot in intermediate (remember when she gave me Salabhasana to Parsva Dhanurasana in one go?) - and she said this makes it really intense, but good for building stamina.

Ohhhhhhhh. My Teacher is wise.

And interestingly, now that I'm back to a more regular practice schedule this week, these Parsva Dhanurasanas are starting to feel a bit more real ("Real" in the "I own it!" sense). I mean... that final Dhanurasana initially made me feel like I was going to die and brought up all these angry thoughts... but the past couple days I've been starting to feel the length and extension in the pose. My mind is a little more quiet now too. :)

On a different note, I came across this hilarious picture of a boy dressed as... er... a helmet-less Darth Vader. Geez, I think his parents must have a pretty sick sense of humour (and I like it).

(Picture from here)

Teacher Says So

Sundays are supposed to be my FULL primary till Parsva Dhanurasanas, remember?

But... I don't think my teacher is in with me on my plan.

While I was in the middle of Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (bringing the leg back to centre from the side, and holding it there), she came to give me a leg-lift boost, and then told me AGAIN - "You don't need to be doing this now. After UHP, just go straight to Paschimottanasana. Next time, after Parsvottanasana, go straight to Paschimottanasana. Shorten your practice."

Erm... I almost wanted to say "BUT IT'S SUNDAY!! I WANT TO PRACTICE FOR LONGER!!" then found myself torn between what I wanted to do versus what my teacher told me to do. I just shut up and did as she said (secretly a little bit thankful too, coz it's my first practice in days since I've been in this moving-wormhole and my body's struggling to keep up!)

OK. As any Ashtangi knows, a large part of this practice is submitting to your teacher coz... well... "teacher knows best" and all.

But... what if I DO wanna push myself a bit more on Sundays? A large part of this is also coz I'm thinking ahead coz... well y'know... when I'm back in Singapore next week and Cape Town afterwards, my teachers there are probably gonna make me practice the full primary before getting to my intermediate poses and I'm afraid I'm gonna collapse from exhaustion coz my body's not been up to speed.

HAHAHAHA. Sorry, that just sounds so chronic.

I watched the "Ashtanga, NY" documentary last night. My twitter pal, @innerspaceyoga mailed it to me all the way from North Carolina. I think I must be like the last Ashtangi in the village to have heard of or watched this film. IT IS AWESOME! (Oh, and Guruji is wearing a tank top with my Teacher's old shala logo on it for most of the film. Heh.)

(Buy it here. Oh yeah, you also see Willem Dafoe grab his ankles in Chakrabandhasana. Woah, the Green Goblin is pretty advanced! And Gwyneth Paltrow in Dwipada Sirsasana. They look like normal yogis, not celebs!)

It follows Guruji on his final tour of NY in 2001 (the Twin Towers went down in the middle of his month-long workshop there too, making that trip even more poignant). In it, it mentions this teacher-student relationship... where you just submit, unquestioningly, to what your teacher tells you to do. The Sharath-Guruji relationship is a great example of this teacher-devotion.

It made me think today... maybe this is teaching me something about letting go of my notion of "the right and wrong way" of doing things. I mean... I've read all your comments on this weird split, and I also think it's a weird split... and coz it's not currently the way its practised in Mysore now, some part of me reckons it's not "the right way", or the "authentic" way... much as I highly respect my teacher and know that she's super close to the source. That's part of my struggle with doing this weird split.

Maybe the "right" thing for me to do now is just shut up and listen? No, sorry... that should be: shut up and just DO. Bahahaha! Another reason to bring 2010's "joyful surrender" into play, perhaps.

T minus 1 day to Removalisation

Yes. I said "Removalisation".

I finally got to the shala today. Yay!

I practised the full Primary (including the extended standing sequence I usually cut out on weekdays), up to Parsva Dhanurasana in Intermediate. I figured I'd jump right in and not be a wuss today.

Interesting how the body is SUPER STRONG after 3 days' break, and ultra flexible too (THANK YOU SUMMER!). I felt like Wonder Woman today. Until I got to the Parsva Dhanurasanas of course. These still kick my ass. Even more so after 3 days' break. I still absolutely HATE THIS SEQUENCE with a passion.

I've been reading Maehle's book on the Intermediate series, and it's interesting seeing it from his perspective of upward energy - these back strengtheners all send your energy upwards, which I totally feel... but at the same time, once I'm done with them I feel absolutely floored and pinned to the ground - like someone's just punched me in the solar plexus and I'm out of breath.

I need to stop whining about this, it's not the first time I've whined about this!

By the time I finished all my backbends/ dropbacks/ standing ups and got to the final Paschimo-squash, I felt like I was going to throw-up into my thighs. FATIIIIIIGUE!

So anyways, with the full primary till the Parsva D's, I finished just in time - the usual time I finish. EXCEPT... my practice today was definitely a lot more hurried and rushed. The breathing count was a lot faster than usual. Haha, practise FAIL. (OK OK, it's not about winning or failing... but y'know...)

It kinda reflects my current state of mind. The removal company comes tomorrow. I spent last night organizing files then old stuff for the Salvation Army, organizing and re-organizing... dropped off a stack of old Yoga Journal magazines for my teacher at the shala... And tonight I'll have to pack my suitcase, weigh it, and anything else over 25kilos gets put in the pile for the movers to be shipped. (I'm not paying for additional check-in baggage weight!)

Did I forget to mention that my last day of work is Jan. 28th? And that I'm leaving Sydney on Feb 2nd? And I'll be home in Singapore for about a week before I head to Cape Town on Feb. 13th? For some reason I must've forgotten to tell my parents when and how long I'd be home coz my dad was surprised yesterday when he heard how soon those dates are. Oops.

I just need to remember to breathe. And slow the breath down too!


(Picture credit here)

The Universe Has a Sense of Humour...

Qantas lost my bag.

The Universe must be testing that I really mean it when I say I am in joyful surrender to what comes my way this year. GRRRRRRR.

Something told me not to check the bag in and just bring it on board but I was tired and couldn't be bothered to schlep it around with me.

I was also overjoyed we finished the shoot early enough on Saturday so I changed my flight to return last night instead of this morning (er... I wanted to come back early to practice at the shala. Seriously! After a moon day and Saturday break, I HAD to come back on the mat today). Premature happiness. Ha!

And after speaking to Qantas today, guess where it's ended up?

In Perth.

?!????!!!?????!!!????

How does a bag from Brisbane to Sydney end up in Perth?!?

I suppose I should be thankful that they can still track it in the system and that it's not ended up completely missing altogether. Oh wait, I should cross my fingers and hold my breath and not say such things until it well and truly ends up delivered to my doorstep like they promised.

This bag is allegedly due to be in Sydney at 1pm today.

OK Qantas, let's see if you WIN or FAIL.

I think I reacted pretty well to it last night... the only bugger if I lose the entire bag altogether is:
#1: It's a really cool bag (but I can always buy another COOLER bag. HAHA.)
#2: My toiletries and cosmetics!! (but even though half my bag is full of toiletries & cosmetics - it's a girl thing - I realized last night that the only important toiletries in that bag are toothpaste and face moisturizer).

Good thing I managed to find an OLD tube of toothpaste in Kelly's bathroom (yup, he uses the guest loo so we don't have to hurry each other out the loo in the mornings!).

And also good thing he's a guy who doesn't squeeze all the toothpaste out the tube. This is one of my pet peeves - people who don't squeeze the toothpaste neatly from the bottom of the tube, leaving bunches of toothpaste left in the tube. But this time, my pet peeve worked in my favour. (And don't even get me started on the state he left the toothpaste CAP as well.)

The WRONG way of squeezing:

(Picture credit here. Hey look! A whole post about the right & wrong way to squeeze toothpaste! See, I'm not the only chronic one!)

It's also a good thing for Teacher & her assistant when adjusting me today I found the toothpaste! Can you imagine my stinky dragon breath otherwise? HAHA!

So... I suppose the Universe is again telling me that one really doesn't need that much STUFF. I mean... out of the whole bag that's in transit, I'm only missing face moisturizer and toothpaste? ...that's pretty good for PURGE & DESTROY.

Over on the practice front today, though I was exhausted, I decided Sundays would be my Full Primary till Parsva Dhanurasana days. In case you haven't followed from earlier, after I was given Krounchasana, Teacher cut up some of my Primary - and told me to do my practice up till Parsvottanasana, then fast forward to Paschimottanasana, finish the rest of Primary then continue till where I'm at in Intermediate.

I thought it was a weird split, other people commented that it was a weird split... and everyone was kind of puzzled what the thinking behind it was. I asked Teacher some time last week why this split, and she said matter-of-factly "Well, how long do you want to practice?!"

She went on to explain that once you've got sufficient proficiency of the standing sequence, you don't HAVE to do the extended standing sequence (from UHP to Virabhadrasana B). She said it depends how each individual feels though... and said you know how your body feels from the first few sun salutations and maybe some days you need more standing and some days you don't. She sometimes skips standing altogether and goes straight into the 3rd series after the sun salutations. PHWOAAR.

Oh! Hmm... OK, not quite the dogmatic, traditional point-of-view I suppose, but this makes sense. (FYI - she's certified by both KPJAYI AND Iyengar, so she knows what she's talking about!)

And fair enough too - I timed myself today for Full Primary till Parsva Dhanurasana... and with a long Savasana (about 15 minutes), it was about 2hrs. I don't have this amount of time on a regular weekday! I usually average between 1hr 30min to 1hr 45min if I cut out the extended standing sequence, so I think I'll keep it this way on weekdays, and only go the whole hog on Sundays. I don't want to keep looking at the clock on weekdays and feel rushed to finish so I can get to work.

But once work is done and I'm in Cape Town, I won't have this excuse anymore!

Kelly arrives this arvo (arvo is Ozzy slang for: afternoon) for a week, so we're gonna be moving this "moving thing" up a notch. The removal company comes to pack up this Friday.

I'm taking a deep breath, then taking a shower, then going out to the Mac shop and allowing myself to get lost in gadgets & tech for a couple hours before the chaos begins.

I'm Full But Not Satisfied. And Tired.

9.55pm and I'm having dinner in front of the computer while banging out MORE emails and uploading more stuff on this sloooooooow 3G connection. Er... at least it's room service in a nice hotel?

Wah-heyyyyyy! I'm in Brisbane now. The only vegan things on the in-room dining menu are minestrone soup (they topped it off with cheese that I had to scrape off) and a side order of steamed veggies. B.O.R.I.N.G. (I suspect they tossed the veggies in... BUTTER). Blech.

Why am I telling you about my dinner, that's even more boring.

I am exhausted. Got another 2 big days of shoots ahead of me. I shared a cab to the airport with the editor on another job I've got on. It's been so manic and down to the wire that he was editing on the Avid on his laptop IN THE CAB as we were speeding to the airport. He almost threw up on himself.

Just before I left the apartment this morning, I checked the mailbox and guess what arrived today?



Mr. Swenson, I heart you and Imma let you finish your Practice Manual and all, but right now Gregor is muh hero.

WOOHOOOOOO! Time for some bedside studying tonight.

(First thoughts: Okaaaaay, so it's printed on 100% recycled paper. But does recycled paper quality have to be SO CRAP?)

Don't Ask Retarded Questions Coz I'm Having a Bad Week

Too. Busy. To. Blog.

But before I get back to work, can I just complain about what idiots exist out there?

I have just got a message for an eBay listing for a BROWN & GOLD jacket I have listed. There are photos of the jacket and I have explained in detail where the gold ribbing is, how the 3 Adidas stripes are gold... and bloody hell, there are like FIVE photos uploaded of said BROWN & GOLD jacket. (Please don't ask another retarded question on why I have a ghetto-fabulous BROWN & GOLD Adidas jacket. It is too ghetto-fabulous even for me and was never worn. This is why I'm selling it!!)

And the question goes: "Is this a white & grey jacket as advertised or is it brown & gold?"

I felt like replying "Is this a joke? Are you blind and can't you read?!"

I even double-checked my listing headers and descriptions... and there is NO MENTION of white & grey on the listing AT ALL.

I don't understand why people ask retarded questions. It just adds to my already manic week and makes my blood boil even more.

I had a so-so practice today. I felt the impending doom & gloom before I started my first Dhanurasana. I really don't like the intensity of this sequence (Dhanurasana - Right side Parsva D. - Left side Parsva D - Dhanurasana). Plus, while my drishti's at my nose, I find it really awkward... like WHERE DOES MY HEAD GO? (in the sideways versions) Teacher had to physically adjust my chin down, to get my head lower to the floor coz apparently I was tilting it up to the sky. Ugh. I hate this asana. (For now). And for the first time EVAR, I am quite happy to stop my practice at this point, with no desire to move forward in the series at the moment.

Oh look, I have created a blog post in 5 minutes. Back to work now.

The Lola Pendant & More Intense Back Work

When I have time to start designing more jewelry, I'm gonna have to design one with that title... "The Lola Pendant". It will have nothing to do with nubile young nymphs though, and everything to do with the vinyasa-jumpback. HAHAHA! (Sounds like an ugly pendant already!)

Patrick had mentioned Maehle's little tip in the comments from my "take it up the lotus" posts a few days ago, and I've been industriously working at it the past few days.

I've snapped a picture of Maehle's tip on Lolasana for those of you who don't have Gregor Maehle's book. And if you don't have this book, you're missing out! It's a super-duper great reference!

(This is from Page 70 of the book. There's another similar tip at the end of Padmasana which roughly speaks of the same.)

It's kinda making the jumpbacks make more sense to me. I've been doing "take it up" (as Sharath says), and pointing the feet back... then instead of cheating by using one foot to kick off the floor as I jump back (coz who am I really cheating right - Myself!)... the past couple of days I've been swinging on the spot like what Maehle recommends.

I'm hoping by building up that moementum, it'll help me to swing back (yes yes, momentum is still a cheat, but let me use momentum first, then build strength later!) I'm still not fully jumping back and my feet are still grazing the floor slightly as I'm swinging and I'm still slightly kicking off in order to get that final jumpback... BUT!! It's feeling quite different for me already.

For a split-millisecond yesterday, I had a flash of that point where everything connected and the stars were aligned and I actually got enough lift to shoot the legs back to chaturanga. It was only a split-millisecond... and in that time, I also had time to think : "OH MY GAWD. It takes THAT much MORE bandha control to achieve THAT?!?"

And er... this morning when I woke up, my abs were sore (I haven't felt sore in a while, mind you)... the muscles on top of my chest (oh dear, here comes my shocking anatomy knowledge)... I think it's the pecs? The muscle on top of your boobs that connects to your armpits (y'know... the ones that makes those weightlifters look like they have man-boobs) Yeah, those ones. They were also slightly sore today.

Hmmmmm... what am I doing that's new? I'm not sure if it's the Backbendus Maximus new poses I was given yesterday (maybe the sore-man-boobs-muscles could've been from Bhekasana)... but I suspect maybe I'm engaging different muscles with this new way of lola-pendant swinging back (coz I'm rounding the back a bit more and dipping a bit lower at the end of the swing, maybe?)

Today, when I came to Baddha Konasana, I had the thought to "Conserve energy! You've got a bastard of back strengtheners coming up!" (Thanks Susan, for pointing out that those are more like back STRENGTHENERS than backBENDS). Er... I remembered to conserve energy a bit late into the primary series coz I was already at all the supine poses which aren't that tough!

I like Salabhasana and Bhekasana, those are pretty easy to nail. What gets me is that LAST Dhanurasana after the Parsva Dhanurasanas. Coz... the sideways Dhanurasanas kinda knock the wind out of me a little... I'm not pushing at my maximum in an effort to "conserve energy", and also just thinking of which muscles to relax, and which to bend into a little more... but after coming up from the left side-backbend I have nothing left to give that last Dhanurasana.

And by this time, my quads are SCREAMING. It's these weak legs of mine. Grr. I had to take a little rest again before the closing sequence.

As I was starting my practice today, Teacher asked "How are you doing from yesterday? OK" I nodded and said "OK. But it was INTENSE." And today was no different.

PS. Liz dedicated a whole blog post to ME?!? Did you see it? I LOVE IT!!! :) :) :)

Backbendus Maximus

Holy Mother of Backbends, Batman.

The intermediate series is going to break my back. Literally.

OK OK, I might be a drama queen, and yes of course the first half of intermediate series is full of backbends - I didn't need to tell you that. But when you actually DO it, it actually quite literally knocked the wind out of me today.

Oh yeah, that means I was given up to Parsva Dhanurasana today, by the way. YIPPPPEEEE! So yeah, you can imagine going from Krounchasana (my last pose) to Parsva Dhanurasana (well, finishing off with that last Dhanurasana before the vinyasa)... that's like... about 6 backbend variations.

*DETOUR* I tried to find Arjuna's pictures and HOLEEEE MOLEEEE! He's updated his site and all his lovely photos are no longer available on the website! You have to download them as pdf's! ARGGHHHHH! It takes a bit of fiddling through his site to find them, so if you're looking for those old pictures, they're here *END OF DETOUR*

Oh wait. Panic over. I found them. The problem is half the site is now in German and I no comprende. (Wait. Did I just use Spanish there.)



(New link is here. I clicked on "EN" for English but it's still showing up with half the stuff in Deutsche, so lemme know if you figure it out.)

Actually, seen together like that, all those backbends look so easy. You do them in any beginner's class and it's chicken feet. BUT... put them all together after doing the ENTIRE Primary series, then holding each backbend for 5 full breaths, and having a teacher pulling and yanking your feet higher and getting you to lift as high as you can, pushing and prodding you where you need to stretch more, give more, squeeze more, lift more and oh, did I say lift more again? ...that is, going at your MAXIMUM for all of those backbends in succession of each other... All those cliches you're taught about how backbends open up all this stuff inside you and release all these things inside?

Oh yeah, they sure as hell came bubbling up today.

I think my body was in shock by the end of it. I lay on my mat and if no one had been around, I would probably have groaned out loud. I must have laid there for quite a while coz teacher yelled across the room "It's OK to continue!"

...I just couldn't believe that I had to go into closing sequences and do MORE backbends AGAIN. Uh huh. After all of that pushing, poking and prodding I STILL had to close with MORE BACKBENDS?!? So yeah folks, that's 3 more Urdvha Dhanurasanas, 3 more solo-dropbacks, 3 more whatchamacallitasanas (arms crossed in front of chest and you get dropped back halfway and dropback fully on the 4th). Good thing I had an excuse of Ladies' hols today or I would've been forced into a handstand and dropover to backbend.

$&*@#)(*%@)_(#&%@)#*^!!$%$#@%&)(*@)#_)%*&#)$%@%#%$&@*

Yes, that is a string of expletives.

And that's exactly how I felt after the last Dhanurasana, before I got to the closing sequence.

I was totally out of my comfort zone, my body wasn't used to being pushed so hard in something so new in a loooooong time. And I think I was white with shock just realizing how much MORE strength I need. I mean, backbends have never been an issue for me... I've always been quite bendy.

But as teacher so rightly pointed out as I was laying on my mat, mentally gearing up to keep going into more backbends in the closing sequence, she said "It's about building STAMINA now in the intermediate series".

Wise words indeed.

Screw bendiness. I need more stamina.

After getting through the Primary series and building so much strength, flexibility and stamina... you feel like you're King of the world. Well... at least I did. You feel like you can take on anything. HAHA. Yeah right.

I think it's a different kind of strength required here and for me at least, I suspect some of that is more mental than physical. I mean for crying out loud, it's only BACKBENDS! Why am I reacting so strongly?! ...and getting so out of breath so easily?

The only upshot to all of this is, when I finally got to dropbacks... my back was already well and truly cracked open and I had no need to "warm up" a bit with reverse-namaste-hands/ hangbacks etc. I just dropped right back into it and everything felt nice and loose and open. Silver lining in the cloud I suppose.

I'm dreading working this hard all over again tomorrow. SIGH.