I'm realizing now that the Ashtanga Intermediate Series makes me ANGRY.
Like... balls-out PISSED OFF.
Not at anything in particular, but I think more at the series itself. "GODDAMNSTOOPIDBACKBENDS! WHY DO THERE HAVE TO BE SOOOOOOOOO MANY BLOODY BACKBENDS? And then finished off with EVEN MORE closing backbends, MORE dropbacks and MORE assisted dropbacks?!? Why the heck did anyone think up all of this?!"
As they say in Mandarin: TA MA DE! (translation: Your Mother!) Goodness gracious, I'm not even well into the series yet, can you imagine when I get even further?
It was pretty apparent coz it's been A WHILE since I've practiced the second series. I've just been concentrating on the Primary series since I've been travelling and have had an irregular practice.
So on Sunday, Susan said to go up to wherever I felt like I could, since I was hesitant if I should even be going past Primary yet. I figured since I was at a shala with teacher assistance, I might as well take the opportunity and go for it.
I got up to Parsva Dhanurasana and everything in me just yelled STOOOOOOOOOP!
So I stopped. (Not stooped. Ha.)
On Sunday, I was OBLITERATED up to there. I knew I had 2 more poses to go, but thought: Fuck it.
This morning at AYL, I tried again all the way up to Laghuvajrasana. By the time I was at Ustrasana, I thought I was ready to yell out loud. At what, I have no idea. I probably wanted to shout: THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT!!
By the time I was done with all of it, I lay down on my mat before the closing backbends for a while to catch my breath. And that's when I got totally and completely BALLS OUT ANGRY. It's pretty funny now, thinking about it. I probably would've thrashed around in a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming in a rage if no one else was around. I think the thought of doing MORE closing backbends, dropbacks and assisted dropbacks also didn't help my irritation.
OK, so maybe backbends brings up all this stuff... Maybe I'm full of latent anger. HAHA. You know what? I vaguely recall going through this when I was first given intermediate. And I even found the post from then to prove it. This is very interesting. It's like I hit the rewind button coz I'm going through THE SAME EMOTIONS all over again.