Farewell, My Love

Our lives were moving in 2 different directions.

But I would've given it all up if I'd had a stronger commitment from him.

So after 5 beautiful years in 3 different countries together, we find ourselves apart.

I have no idea if what I'm doing is the bravest or stupidest thing I've ever done for ME. But... As a wise friend said: If we're not living in the moment and investing everything we are into this, then we should invest nothing. So, what's a girl to do but keep on keeping on.

Not like he keeps up with this blog, but...
My dearest Kelly, thank you for being my best friend, biggest fan, shoulder to cry on, sharer of fart jokes, and biggest love of my life. I don't know how I'm going to get through this without you around.

In grieving love's loss, I'm reminding myself of the intention I set at the new year: Joyful Surrender. It's been coming in very handy for everything life's thrown my way this year innit.

Through all this, I still believe in "love conquers all". Maybe one day, but not today. Silly me.

Sunset Drive

One of the things Kelly's dad loved doing was driving around the Cape with the car roof down. So we took a sunset drive the other day with the roof of the car down in his memory.

Cape Town is stunningly beautiful.

Thank You!

I just wanted to thank EVERYONE for being so sweet and kind. Thank you for all your emails, comments on the last few posts, and also thank you for all who have sent messages via Twitter (condolences and birthday wishes alike). I have shared them all with Kelly, and he is also very touched. Friends and virtual strangers alike have shown such incredible love and support. Thank you.

It's interesting reading through the various comments... Maybe I should have mentioned that to me, birthdays aren't a big deal. I've never made a big fuss about them... maybe coz I don't like being reminded I'm growing older. HAHA! I'd already had a nice dinner with my own family in Singapore, so I honestly expected to be back in Amsterdam at work, on my own on my birthday and hadn't thought anything much to it. So although it was under really unfortunate circumstances, it was nice to have spent the day with my other family in Cape Town.

Kelly had organized an impromptu lunch with our friends for me, and we spent the evening with his mum who had also flown back from Auckland to be with the family during this time.

I couldn't have asked for a for a warmer birthday, surrounded by friends and family.

Here's a beautiful African sunset to share. These photos have not been enhanced, this is the actual colour.

... ... ...

Guess what?

Today's my birthday. I am 33. On the 3rd day of the 3rd month of the year. Hmm. It's probably one of the most surreal birthdays ever. To the point where I almost forgot about it. I mean, my family in Singapore had made me a special dinner and had planned the menu with my veganism in mind which I really appreciated.

And that, was pretty much my little celebration on Sunday before I left. So I forgot today is the day until Kelly had wished me a Happy Birthday today. I guess spending all that time flying also kinda made me unsure what day it was.

I calculated that from when I left my parents' home in Singapore to when I arrived in Cape Town, it was a 30-hour journey. I had to fly 12 hours to Amsterdam, with a 2.5 hour layover there, and then another 12 hours to Cape Town. A direct flight would've just been 12 hours.

By the time I had heard the news of Kelly's dad, there was just not enough time to re-route flights in time, what with the time I had left to jump on the flight to Amsterdam (that had already been booked) to the time difference between where the travel agent and I were and partial ticket/ one-way ticket costs and blahblahblah...

So my tailbone really felt it on this journey.

What was great is I found a Meditation Centre in Amsterdam at the Schipol Airport. A beautiful, light space that had shelves with every kind of religious book that existed, and space for me to plonk down my black mat (good thing I hand-carried it). So I had a super light asana practice, with some pranayama and meditation thrown in. Check out the signboard. Kinda cool to see it in an airport.


I was next to a Muslim lady praying on her mat and another yogi who was using a prayer mat as her makeshift yoga mat. I think she was an Iyengi as she was using a little prayer stool as her makeshift prop. And I swear she was in a headstand for at least 10 minutes. Not that I was watching her. She was just in it for sooooooooo long that I noticed.

So, here I am in Cape Town. There's quite a bit going on here now as you can imagine, so I'm gonna have to jump off the internet now.

Not Good News From This Side

So I've just got my visa and was ready to head back to Amsterdam.

But I've had news that Kelly's dad has just passed away.

So I am now trying to re-route my flight out back to Cape Town.

:(

B'bye Cape Town!

OK. So I have a confession to make.

It's been pretty heavy-going on the family front here in Cape Town. But because I've always kept it kinda light-hearted on this site, I didn't really wanna drag everyone else down too. The main thing really though... is that it's not MY illness to talk about so it didn't feel quite right to blab all about it here. I'm sure you understand why I haven't written about it.

All you really need to know is that Kelly's dad is really not well and is currently back in hospital again. The effects of the chemotherapy have worn him down quite a bit.

On the other side of things... you might remember that I previously mentioned I'd be headed off to Europe on a freelance gig soon? Well... I leave for Amsterdam tonight. And I'm also feeling incredibly guilty about it.

This gig I'm about to take on will probably be one of the biggest jobs of my career so far, with a company I've always admired and had great respect for. I never imagined I would ever have the chance to work with them in this lifetime, but here I am. When the opportunity came up and I discussed with Kelly whether I should take it on, he said "Are you crazy?! You HAVE to do it!" ...so he's fully 100% behind me on this.

Except that I'm leaving at an incredibly difficult time now, and will be gone for the next 6 months or so. Depending how it goes with his dad here, Kelly may come and visit in between, and we've been telling ourselves that look - if things get more serious here, I can always make a plan and fly back.

On a completely other... er... what seems like a frivolous note now... I have been looking into Ashtanga shalas in Amsterdam that have early morning Mysore classes. Would you believe that practically none exist?!?

It all seems to be night classes and I'd find it weird to go back to night practice now... that, and also I have been warned that my working hours will be long. So, I doubt I'd be able to make any evening/ night classes anyways.

I have emailed some of the shalas to ask for morning Mysore recommendations and all have said it doesn't seem to work in Amsterdam for some reason. (Hmm... the European lifestyle of rising late?) If anyone has any shala suggestions, I'm all ears.

I AM DREADING THE THOUGHT OF SELF-PRACTICE IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF EUROPE'S COLDEST WINTERS.

Blechhhh. I dunno how you home practitioners do it, it would be quite a challenge in self-discipline for me.

Anyways, it's been nice being back in Cape Town. We only managed to do some touristy things on the first day, so here are some photos from my trip here.


I've always been amazed by Table Mountain. Anywhere you go to in the city, you look up, and there she is in the background. It looks like a matte painting coz it's so unreal.



(We spotted one seal who'd jumped onto shore to bask by the harbour. Picture on the right. It looks like it's behind a cage, but it's not)



We didn't manage to make it to the stadium tour in the end, but drove past it. This is why it looks like a concentration camp up close:


I had to get a document certified the "apostille" way for Amsterdam, and managed to get it done here. I think it's so cute and quaint how they still use ribbons and seals from oldskool days.


And we found these chairs that were cross-stitched with old shoelaces. It is such an incredibly Capetownian thing to do! It's actually a collaboration by Adidas and a local artist at Vida E Cafe (the world's best coffee is here at Vida), who are coming up with projects to recycle old chairs and old shoelaces. Cute.





So... I guess I'll catch up with you guys on the other side... yet again? :)

2010 is My Joyful Surrender

I meant to write about this yesterday, but somehow it evolved into a pretty long post about Sharath's DVD. So I'm telling you today anyway. Better late than never.

Big changes are coming ahead in my world. Some of you may already know a little about it from my Down & Out post last year, or maybe I've confided in you a little about what THAT was all about.

Basically... we are leaving Sydney.

Uh huh.

As quickly as we've moved, we will be off again within a year of settling here. Kelly's dad has not been well and we've decided that he needs to be with his dad now. There was a bit of a scare over the Christmas hols... Christmas Eve, to be exact. Suffice it to say that I spent that evening scrambling around and calling the airlines to get him on the next available flight back to Cape Town on Christmas Day to be with his dad. (Sorry I didn't share this then, it just didn't seem appropriate to be The Holiday Dampener!)

...which explains why Kelly wasn't in any of the Bali pictures. Anyways, before you get too concerned, I'm happy to report that his dad is doing much better now and is resting at home. But we have both made the decision together to up and move again! At this point, it's a move back to Cape Town indefinitely.

Initially I was upset and in shock at the situation, things just seemed to be happening too quickly! ...but now that I've had some time to process and think about it, I've decided that the only way to deal with this is to be in joyful surrender to the Universe. I'm just rolling with this and I'll see where life takes me in 2010 (please Dear Universe, can I finally go to Mysore this year?)

Do you know why I cried in Savasana last year? ...because as Kelly and I were discussing our options, I realized that one of the main reasons why I would be very sad to leave Sydney would be because I'd be leaving my beautiful teacher (scroll back to start on Page 1 in this pdf) and her beautiful shala.

It seems so trivial to be thinking of this when there are bigger life issues looming over us at the moment, but I suppose that's how big an impact she has made in my life even if she doesn't even know it! Through her, I have learnt so much about myself.

This has also been a big lesson in non-attachment for me in every way. ...Just letting go of fear, anxiety and not being attached to the outcome... Letting go of my attachment to my teacher... Letting go of wanting to know what will happen... Letting go of willing things to happen... and just surrendering to what will be and what it IS.

2010 is my year of Joyful Surrender.
(Thank you Sam, for affirming this suspicion I had!)

Since I officially handed in my resignation on Monday, the first working day of this year, I thought it would be OK to finally share this with you now.

I'm unsure of when I'll finally be leaving here, just have a few more admin things to lock down first... but it'll be some time at the end of January or early February.

OH MAAAAAAAAAAAAN. That's pretty damn SOOOOOON!!

So... Now you can look forward to more new adventures from me. You're welcome to tag along on this Magic Carpet Ride. Just no backseat drivers, please!

Ahoy! Joyful Surrender ahead!

THE Bali Wedding: Part 2

Right after the very successful hen night in yesterday's Part 1 (especially since we didn't have to pay for any professional strippers. heh), the next morning everyone stumbled out to breakfast.


Oh, did I say EVERYBODY? ...I meant Sam and I.

T, the groom, was extremely hung-over and GRUMPY.


Another thing I love about Bali is the food. You just can't beat authentic Indonesian food. Everything down to the last detail is carefully prepared. These were Ash's breakfast eggs. Even the tomatoes were part of the "plating up" presentation.


And everyday I had my major hit of Kopi Bali. Or Balinese coffee. This is like a coffee shot from hell. It's as thick as Turkish coffee - as in you need to let all the sediments settle to the bottom of the cup before taking a sip or all you're consuming would be gritty coffee powder. It's thick!


And then we were informed (last-minute, Oi-style) that we'd have a wedding rehearsal at 11am at the wedding villa. OK, so off we trooped.

This is the Morabito Villa before the mayhem and chaos. It's an absolutely stunning space for a wedding!






Since it's a villa owned by an artist, there were LOADS of nic-nacs lying around.

(I like the torso-less Santa with outstretched arms)

The wedding planner wasn't there, the sound system wasn't there, the chairs and all weren't set up yet... so we were really like the blind leading the blind. But the way these things go, you kinda figured it would all work out later anyways (but of course it also kinda added to the "wedding stress").

The girls ended up back at our villa and we all got matching pedicures - with hooker red toenails. We figured since the colour theme incorporated highlights of red, we might as well go the whole hog.


Oi & I are both "godmothers" to Misha, Sam's daughter. She is the CUTEST thing.


And she's also learning fast about the ways of ladies of leisure. She's checking out mum's pedicure.


A welcome drinks session had been organized for everyone at our villa, so it was cool to meet up and catch up with old friends, meet new ones, put faces to the names of Oi's friends that you'd only heard about through emails (she went to school in Singapore, college in the US, lived in Hong Kong and now in London... so there are lots of people from the different phases of her life).

This is our villa by day.









(This is the grass patch in front of the beach where I'd practice yoga in the mornings!)



Then of course we had to have another German tradition... on the way into the party, each guest had to break a plate. All the plates were dumped on the ground, and bride & groom have to sweep up the broken dishes together, symbolizing their partnership and willingness to help each other out. As it turns out, Oi was holding the dust-pan while T did most of the sweeping (at the hen night, we had asked the question of "who's more likely to do the housework" ...EVERYONE answered "THORSTEN!" hehe).



Then we all went and watched the sunset on the beach.







The next day, was THE DAY. There was a bit of a buzz in the air as everyone was a little excited and nervous at the same time. It's almost like you're putting on a performance at the theatre and everyone has to be in their right places. Levi, the best man, kept asking every 10 minutes "Where's Thorsten, have you seen the rings?" (THE BEST MAN DIDN'T HAVE THE RINGS?!?)

...turns out the bride & groom ran off to another villa where the Chinese Tea Ceremony was taking place - only family members were present for this and the rest of us stayed behind to get ready. In the kerfuffle that is THE WEDDING DAY, people hadn't been briefed about things they were supposed to be doing, last-minute changes were taking place... and, oh yeah, Oi just told the 3 bridesmaids THIS MORNING that she wanted us to give a speech at the dinner that night too.

ARGHHH! It's so typically last-minute Oi. Resistance is futile. You just have to roll with the punches on this one.

The wedding planner finally shows up and we were told we needed to have another rehearsal at 12 noon. Guests were meant to show up at 3pm, with the ceremony starting at 4pm. GULP. Last minute to the max!

So we rolled with the punches and stood out in the hot midday sun in the tropical climate. I was being seared raw. At least most things were already in place - the chairs, the microphones, the sound system, all tents... etc.







At 1.30pm, that was our cut-off time to bring Oi over to get her hair & make-up done. Instead, the bride decided she would take a quick dip in the pool. You can see the sound guys and tent guys setting up their stations behind and it was absolute chaos. But somehow, it seemed poetic that she decided to have a solo swim. All was serene about her, even though the surroundings were in a kerfuffle.


Mother of the bride walks her to get changed.


And then as the rest of us got showered and changed and started settling down to get ready... all that morning's pandemonium just seemed to melt away in the airconditioned bridal villa. I suppose there's also something very therapeutic about getting your hair done and face made up by someone else. :)







CAM-WHORE ALERT!


(You likey my earrings?) ;p
In case you forgot already, these were the ones I made. Along with the other bridesmaids' jewelry too!








Over in the bridal chamber...





It was pissing down outside and the rain had started to let up. So here comes the wedding planner, kicking us up the bum to be ready in FIVE MINUTES!!!





We had visitors too. The Master of Ceremonies for that evening's dinner is also a best mate of Oi's. More cam-whoring with our dreamboat Hero, Dr. Mandeep...


Here comes the bride!












Father of the Bride:



And then before you knew it, we were all walking down the aisle.

First it was me, then Caroline, then Sam. What was so great about our Ann Taylor dresses is that they had POCKETS!! On both sides! ...so I was able to sneak my camera in my pocket with me, down the aisle. Heh. I *ALMOST* whipped it out as I was walking down coz it was so amazing seeing all these people in your face, jamming their cameras at you. I wanted to snap one back at them. But I was very well-behaved (sorry for you!)

After I took my place, I managed to snap one of Sam as she came walking down (by this time, all eyes were already on Oi, so I figured I was safe).



Here comes the bride!



And guys, may I present you with... THE MOST EMO GROOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
Like seriously, he was already in tears as we (the bridesmaids) were walking down the aisle! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I remember thinking "Is that sweat or is he REALLY crying?!"



Do I hear a collective... AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Rose petals confetti.




And then came the chilling before the photo-taking enmasse.





Little Misha was so taken with the rose petals, that even after the ceremony, she was running around, picking them up and throwing them in the sky. Grown men were so charmed by her that they were all on bended knee, helping to pick up rose petals to throw at her. Oh, the fawning over her!



Primping before the photos.





The Bollywood Shot. Everyone's gotta have one.






The bridesmaids' hooker-toenails and blinged out shoes.


Sam's necklace (My handiwork!)



Caroline's necklace & earrings (again, did I mention... it's MY handiwork?) :)


And then came the onslaught of family photos (from both sides), the friends from SCGS (secondary school), friends from VJC (junior college), friends from Princeton (she's a brainy chick!), friends from London, work people from London, etc. etc. etc.






...and then OF COURSE there were the photos by the beach!!








As you can imagine, it was quite the international wedding, with people from all corners of the world. The seating plan was themed around this.



And what's a Chinese wedding without... a COSTUME CHANGE! (yet another gorgeous dress!)




Right before dinner, MC and Muh Hero and Doctor Mandeep announced for everyone to get up close to the projection screen coz Oi & T had a surprise for us. As it turns out, they had flown to Las Vegas in the middle of the year to get married by Elvis in one of those little chapels. HAHAHAHA! Sam & I only knew about it AFTER it had happened, when she emailed to let us know. I don't think many other friends knew about it, and certainly NOBODY had seen photos or videos from this occasion since they had planned to screen it here in Bali.

It was spectacularly AWESOME!! In every cheezy way. Thorsten wore a mint-green polyester suit. Er... he actually OWNS this suit. He had bought it from a thrift store once upon a time thinking he would wear it one day, but never imagined it would've been for his wedding! Elvis came complete with his right-hand man... I mean er... Hula-Girl.



Then came the first dance. Which they repeated TWICE coz halfway through it someone fluffed and it all went pear-shaped and being the perfectionist Asian lady she is, Oi said "NO! NO! NO! Again! Coz we practiced really hard for this!!" ...So the DJ cued the music up again from the top again. HAHAHA.


Dinner was held under the big white fluffly tents, and it was really fairytale magical. As the whole wedding had been themed around "Oi & T's Big Adventure", each table had photos of both of them on the different adventures they had been on... music festivals, film festivals... all their different travels with each other. Our table had a photo of them at a festival in Copenhagen. Everyone's names were written on a leaf where they ought to be seated at the table.







My vegan menu (how thoughtful!):


There were lots of really cute touches, like how everyone was given a fake moustache - real fun for picture-taking! Us 3 bridesmaids kept our moustaches on throughout our bridesmaid speeches... so er... those would make really interesting photos!



The kids and tweens all had their own separate table at the side, and I found one passed out there (in full moustache glory).


Remember those brown little Domocom cartoon characters from the wedding invite? Well, they were all over the place (check out the brown paper bag in the above photo with that character). The guest book had a picture of that cartoon, and even the wedding cake had the Domocom.



(The green was supposed to represent the Bali rice padi fields, allegedly. But inside, the cake was all... CHOCOLATE!!! ...I broke my veganism for a slice of wedding cake. I figured the Balinese chickens weren't factory-farmed so these eggs would've been OK. I promptly had FOUR slices of wedding cake the following day. EEK!)

Then came the other drama... (Wow, I'm surprised you've made it till here. This is an epic post EVAR!) (But this will be worth it).

Sam got bitten by a wild dog.

Yeah, seriously. She was on her way to the Bridal villa to grab her bag to go home when she walked past a black dog. They crossed paths, but nothing happened... no eye contact, no growling from the dog. She remembers thinking "What a healthy dog. It's not mangy like all the other stray dogs." And the next thing she knew, the dog had chomped on her calf and IT WOULDN'T LET GO!!

She shook her leg like crazy but the crazed dog wouldn't let go. In the end some local Balinese dudes ran over and shouted at the dog and it finally let go and ran away. She got nailed pretty badly and was bleeding like crazy.

Enter everyone's favourite Hero Doctor Mandeep (an Opthalmologist by profession. Yes, that's quite different from an Optician, mind you.) He heard one of the bridesmaids was in trouble, sprinted across to where help was needed, and after assessing the gravity of the situation, proceeds to strip off his favourite WHITE shirt to use as a bandage. Let me remind you of the shirt he was wearing. It looked like this:


But by the time I ran up to check out what was going on, there he was topless, bent over Sam's leg and his shirt was a BLOOD-RED, BLEEDING MESS. (Hello? It was being used as a bandage!) For once, I didn't think to snap a photo. It was just too traumatic.

We ended up rushing Sam to the Emergency Room. As Ash and the other guys were hoisting her to the car, people pulled me aside and said "Make sure she doesn't get a blood transfusion!" ..."Make sure she gets a rabies jab!" ..."Make sure she gets a tetanus jab!" ..."Make sure all the needles are sterilized and fresh from a pack!" ..."Make sure you go to a PRIVATE hospital, not one of those dodgey public hospitals! You're in a THIRD WORLD COUNTRY!!" ...AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Everyone just shut up and calm down already and just... ZIP IT!!!!

I finally started snapping away again at the hospital. Ash was taking care of his woman, there wasn't enough space inside the treatment room for all of us anyway, so I just peeked in from a crack in the door and was annoying the local doctor by asking all the same questions that everyone had been asking me to. AND! I was texting Hero-Doctor-Mandeep updates along the way. He approved everything they were doing. (Yes, us Singaporeans are obsessed with cleanliness and hygiene).




(Dunno about you, but it makes me nervous when a hospital feels it needs to put up a framed certificate proving their hygiene standards)




It was an eventful day and night all throughout!

The rest of the trip passed pretty idyllicly. Sam was out of action since she was hobbling around, and since she had to sit in front of the TV all day, I accompanied her and caught up up all the E! True Hollywood Story episodes I've been missing out on (we don't have cable TV at home). Hehe.

Everyone's Hero Doctor Mandeep made a housecall to check on Sam's wound and change her dressing.


And Misha kept me entertained. Here's her dancing:


Aunty Jaime changes diapers and becomes an "official" godmother. Although I didn't really change her out of a DIRTY diaper. I just put on a clean diaper on her naked ass since I was getting anxious that this untoilet-trained child was running around butt naked. An accident would've been too nasty.


Final shot of the people in our bridal villa:


Yeah, it was a pretty good trip. And hats off to you if you're still reading up until this point. I have truly out-done myself with this epic post today.

*YAWN*