Speak My Truth

I've been going through a period where I haven't felt like saying much. Hence the silence on the blog. Initially, a large part of that was just processing being back from Mysore... It really hit home when they say "there are more distractions in the West".

It's not just the TV and Internet either (Ashtangis in Mysore are invariably glued to Facebook post-practice. Haha.) But it's all the other "life stuff"... Social events, dinner parties, birthday drinks, boy problems, oh and then there's that thing called work too... I suppose when your day only revolves around doing your practice in the morning and then foraging for food later (pretty much THE biggest decision of the day in Mysore is "Where shall we eat"), getting back to regular life again suddenly seems so complicated and so full of other STUFF you need to do. (It didn't help that I'd been away for practically all of December for work too, which meant I also had 2 months worth of other personal admin backlog to get through. Ugh.)

My life last year was mostly about work, work, work. With a little yoga squeezed in between. I am trying to balance that out now by trying to be a tad more social, but then also not at the expense of my yoga practice the next morning. Damn, it's hard.

I pretty much whizzed into 2011 without giving it too much thought since I crash-landed straight into Mysore in the new year. I had no time to sit back and reflect what this year's intention will be. Since I turned a year older yesterday, which is kinda sorta almost like a new year for me, with new beginnings and possibilities... I had another chance to think about what this intention will be.

Last year, I had a very apt intention of Joyful Surrender, which served me well through the mayhem of last year (you can do a search for "Joyful Surrender" on this site and see all the events that pop up).

Yesterday, at the (ripe old) age of 34, I've decided it's the year to Speak My Truth.

Y'know... Honesty. To work through that throat chakra and speak up. And speak up honestly about my intentions and my feelings. Sometimes, it's easier just not to say or admit the truth (not just to others but to myself too). So speaking up can be a difficult thing... But that's the only way to live an authentic life, innit.

I hope I won't bore you in the process, as I just have telling you about it. HAHAHA!

In other news, my workmates are AWESOME. Yesterday, they Happy Birthday'd my desk. It was so lovely coming back from the boring-est client meeting first thing in the morning to be greeted by this sight:


And, I had 3 slices of different cakes yesterday, chocolate tart for elevenses, peach, rhubarb and prune tart for dessert, and vegan apple tart for tea. And another chocolate cake for breakfast this morning. I think I'm gonna have another apple tart for tea now. Happy Birthday to me. *BURP*

The Impending Departure Is Looming... +Food Porn (AGAIN)

I can't believe I'm leaving Mysore in like... TWO DAYS!?! Five weeks sure passed quickly. I leave here late on Friday night. While I'll be happy to be back in Amsterdam, I'm really sad I'll be leaving the shala and all the lovely new friends I've met. The practice at KPJAYI is really vibrating on a whole other level. Tomorrow will be my last self-practice, and Friday morning will be my last led Primary class. ACK!!!

I suppose we all have to leave the Mysore-bubble at some point. Just go on and rip the plaster off quickly. Or something like that.

I've been thinking a lot about this practice (I mean... Hello?! Who here in Mysore isn't, I suppose?) And I guess I've been trying to figure out "What next after this?" Y'know... How do I get back to life as it was before, while infusing it with the Mysore experience I've had?

Sharath has always said something along the lines of "2 gurus, dead student". Meaning... The student gets confused if he has more than 1 teacher. And it seems like most people here have at least 2 teachers: Sharath in Mysore, and their teacher back home in wherever it is that they live. And it also seems like people seem to have 2 different practices: the one Sharath has them practising up to in Mysore, and the one their teachers back home have them practicing up to. Most of the time, people here are waaaaaaaay further in the series back home than they are given in Mysore (eg. someone could have been given the full Intermediate series back home, but Sharath only has them practising up until Kapotasana in Mysore).

So... How does one reconcile this? Just accept that this is the way it is and go home and continue practising all those additional poses your "home teacher" has given you? And return here every year to do your "Mysore redux" practice with Sharath?

In my case, it gets a little complicated. HAHAHA! Since I've pretty much spent half my time away from Amsterdam in the last year because of work, my practice has pretty much been on-the-road or done in my living room. When I've had longer spurts back in the Dam, I've continued practising the Intermediate series up until where my last teacher in Sydney had me practising till (I won't mention that pose I hate so much). So... Now what?! Go back and practice the way I was taught by my Sydney teacher? Or just practice the full Primary as I've been doing here in Mysore (and just NAIL them damn backbends again and again) until my next trip back here again?

I feel like this is where a regular "home teacher's" guidance will come in handy for me. Someone else who has been following this same tradition, who has gone through the same drill of going to Mysore then returning back to "regular life"... Someone who can offer some kind of advice or share in his or her similar kind of experiences of "what now from here"?

Two of my friends I've met on this trip were recently authorized in the last 2 weeks. YAY FOR THEM!!! And I draw such inspiration from them coz both of them have maintained a self-practice at home, without a "home teacher", for an extended period of time (for something crazy like 5 years). I was having such an issue with maintaining a home practice over the past year, let alone going at it for FIVE WHOLE YEARS?!?!??? (although one did say something along the lines of "Coming to Mysore every year is my reward for slogging it out in my living room for the year".)

My breakfast buddy, Jill, newly authourized teacher. :)


I suppose I'm trying to figure out what the hell I'm gonna do with my practice from now on. I know my work situation will involve lots more travel in the coming year. But... I'm not satisfied with how that affected my practice last year. It took a hit. I mean... Hello? I've been stuck on the same pose for a year coz of the numerous practice starts and stops I've had (I guess also coz I haven't had a regular teacher the past year). I know it's not about attaining the next pose, and I certainly have learned lots from struggling through the starts and stops, and coming to learn "old" poses all over again when I've "lost" them along the way because crazy work schedules led to zero time for practice.

So... Now what.

Baby steps.

I am grateful for the time I have to practice. Like now.

And also... While I've got time in the first month back at work in the Dam, I'm gonna take every available opportunity to practice (it's like a feast or famine situation with my yoga practice! HA!) Umm... I've already sniffed out a Mysore workshop being given by P+R (teachers from Crete who are oldskool students of Guruji) who will be in Amsterdam that first week I'm back from Mysore.

HAHAHA!

Well... That would be a nice transition back to "regular life", right? Daily Mysore for a week with some great experienced teachers. And then after that, I'm gonna check out the Monday-Wednesday-Friday shala in the Dam again and give that a whizz. I am secretly hoping they'll also start introducing Tuesday and Thursday morning classes, so I'll at least be able to get a proper routine going. I found it really difficult to maintain a shala and home practice on alternative days initially, but maybe while I'm on a Mysore-high, this might give me more motivation. :)

This whole plan might just blow up in my face, but we'll see. Not everyone is blessed enough to have daily morning Mysore classes in a shala with an experienced teacher AND a local Ashtanga community to share in the sangha. So I consider myself lucky that even though Ashtanga's not quite as widespread and common in Amsterdam as it is in... Oh say... Helsinki (have you seen the list of authourized teachers from there?!) ...At least there is the beginnings of some kind of Ashtanga scene here. I just need to get more involved.

Food Porn for today: Home-cooked meals! Here's a sample of what Anu has at her home-restaurant.


And then Maney invited us to his house for lunch yesterday. Him and his wife cooked a FEAST for us!






The day before, Tova organized a Masala Spice Cake Party. I finally got a shot of the elusive miss.


And this is her Masala Spice Cake. DEEEEEEEE-LISH! (we are lucky that baking keeps her happy!)






Today for lunch, I had my SECOND non-Indian meal of my entire 5-week trip. Pasta from Pascucci. :)


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Different Perspectives on Sunday Conference 23 Jan

Better late than never. An amalgamation of Sunday Conference reports taken from a bunch of different sources. And.. My second post in one day!

I always find it fascinating how different people take away such different things in every single Conference we have. I suppose there are so many different aspects talked about every week, and different things resonate with different people.

Here are some I've come across. Please feel free to add more links to other blogs I may have missed out!

1. From David Garrigues

Sharath's Conference January 23, 2011 from David Garrigues on Vimeo.

2. From Claudia


3. From The Unruly Ascetic


4. From Kino Macgregor (also on Elephant Journal)


5. From Jill Manning (my breakfast buddy in the mornings!) ...And what she says is true. Practically everyone I've spoken to had a flying practice on Monday. Me included.


Do you know of other links? Post them in the comments below!

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Go Sharath Go! *wave pom poms*

Hello Week 3! It was nice to have had a wee break yesterday along with the castor oil bath. Back into the practice groove this morning and slammed with 4.30am led Primary practice (which is 4.15am in regular people's time, which means waking up in the middle of the night to get to the shala). Body's feeling stronger, bendier and stamina's starting to come back to a familiar pace. I'm nowhere near as "physically fit" as I was "in my prime", but I'm just enjoying the practice and being here. Getting back into my body, getting out of my head (sometimes), and just moving with the breath. Things feel like they're getting into a familiar routine now.

Conference this afternoon was really enjoyable. After speaking a bit on the 6 different types of kriyas, Sharath then told us some personal stories about growing up with Guruji.
[UPDATE: To read more on his talk on kriyas, check out David Garrigues' blog about it here.]

It was so lovely to see the human side of him; that householder side of him. I really get the sense from Sharath that he is focused on Parampara, continuing the lineage that started from Krishnamacharya through his grandfather. I feel like there is no ego when he speaks. No "I", "Me", "I can do this", "I can do that". Rather, it is always about "Guruji this" and "Guruji that" or "Krishnamacharya this" and "Krishnamachyra that". And always talking about the importance of the lineage of this tradition. His heart is definitely in the right place.

Whatever the naysayers may say about this new "changing of the guard", I feel like Ashtanga Yoga as developed by Pattabhi Jois is in pretty good hands with Sharath. His intentions feel genuine and sincere... And c'mon! Give the poor guy a break! He has such HUGE SHOES to fill!! He is probably still figuring this all out as he's going along, but I think he'll be more than OK, especially with the support of the greater Ashtanga community. I can't speak for anyone else but he totally has my 100% support!!

At the end of conference, Sharath says since Wednesday's a Moon Day, he wants to get to know us outside the practice room and has invited us to have lunch at a restaurant "But I'm not paying your bill. You pay your own bill!" (HAHAHA!) See what I mean by how "human" he is? I like that he is making an effort (but I can't imagine the crush of some 200+ plus yogis at lunch).

Since it's my first time here, I have no idea what being in the practice room was like before... But apparently having the 2 - 3 Western assistants helping out during the self-practice Mysore classes is a new thing this year. We have either authorized or certified teachers who are assisting Sharath and Saraswati now. Apparently it used to be just Sharath and Saraswati moving around the room giving adjustments before. As you can imagine, waiting for assisted dropbacks before must have been quite a long wait! And MAN! Saraswati must be in her 60s or 70s now... I can't imagine any other Grandmother working a Mysore room like she does! Respect.

It is GREAT having more teachers in the room - coz this means you never have to wait very long before the next eagle-eyed teacher comes around to bring you deeper into a pose, or to help you with a pose you're struggling with. And c'mon... a Mysore room with up to 5 authorized and/ or certified teachers watching over you?! WHAT A LUXURY!! I'm totally loving it. :)

Apparently another update this year is also the timings and who practices in which led class on Fridays and Sundays. There is definitely a bit of structure with a notice on the board telling us that if you start Mysore practice between what time to what time, then you're in the first led class, if you start Mysore practice from a later time onwards, then you're in the second led class, etc. On Fridays, there are now THREE led Primary classes. Apparently it wasn't as organized in previous years, and this time around, people are feeling like this is definitely an improvement.

I'm not sure where I was going with this post. I had every intention of uploading more cow shots and look where I've ended up! HAHAHA!

I guess this is just some very on-the-surface observations of being here, at the source. Things are all still bubbling and sinking in. This practice is so multi-layered with so many different facets to it. I am just grateful for the opportunity to be able to take the timeout to do my practice with Sharath, Saraswati and all their assistants... And also to think a little bit more about this thing we call Yoga.

Oh... And I can't resist finishing this post with more food shots. Today, I felt like having noodles coz I was getting a bit fed of eating pancakes (I mean c'mon, prathas, dosas, chepatis, rotis... they're all variations of pancakes essentially). So I went and ordered something called "Shanghai Noodles". Look what this is! It looks like spicy Indian Mee Goreng where I come from in Singapore! HAHAHA! It's Shanghai Noodles-Indian style (yes, that's a huge-ass dried chilli in front).


5-day practice week! YES!! Go Ashtangis, Go!

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Heart Mysore

Super tired due to hard-ass practice, lack of sleep, too much caffeine leading to inability to nap in the day, all talked-out from socializing. Only the first reason is a valid excuse for fatigue. Everything else I can do something about. I know, no need to tell me. Now I know why people come here for 2 - 3 months at a time. Just so they can take things down a notch and do things at a leisurely pace (my friend laughed at me for doing more in 1 moon day than she had done on her first trip to Mysore in total!)

But what to do... There's still places to go! People to see! Things to do! And I'm coming to the end of Week 2... ALREADY?!

No brain cells left to write, so just a picture update today of various randomness around Mysore.

The school bus... I mean, the school horse-cart.


More Sanskrit homework. We are learning to put the vowels and consonants together in actual words now. Don't ask me what it means, I have no idea (yet)! (I also have no idea if I've got this spelling correct. It's been handed in to be marked). :)



The gorgeous view from Owl's rooftop at sunset from a few days ago.


How the heck do people take 2 - 3 months off from work/ life to spend time here? I WANNA DO THAT TOO!!!! (Can you tell I'm already scheming my return to Mysore?)

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Dropbacks, Recycled Coconuts, Sanskrit & Dusk

Week 2 in Mysore is in full swing. The shala's definitely more crowded this week than it was after the moon day last week. Usually when I'm done with my practice, most of Saraswati's students are practising and the room is half-full. Today, as I was leaving, the whole room was still jam-packed with students.

The led class yesterday felt better for me physically - I can already start to feel my body getting stronger and more bendy. Not quite the fittest I've been (yet), but things are starting to click again in the body.

After a massage yesterday ("Swedish massage" in an Indian spa. Um... Not sure I would recommend this as a relaxing experience. If you're super grossed out by hygiene standards, then probably not. But look, I'm anal about hygiene... Over here, you kinda relax the standards a little bit), I think coz my shoulder knots got a good rub yesterday, I slept like a baby and had a really nice practice today: focussed, aware and involved.

Sharath adjusted me in Supta Kurmasana, and then again at dropbacks. He came round after my third backbend (I vaguely toyed with the idea of attempting to stand up from the third backbend, but then thought "It's Monday. It's a 6-day practice this week... Nahhhhhhhhh! Take it easier today." Heh.)

So he stood close and I said "Can I try on my own first", and he replied "OK". I momentarily thought "Dammit. No faffing. No hangbacks...?" (I'm not sure, are you allowed to hangback halfway if there's a teacher watching over you or is that not good practice etiquette? Just seems rude to be sucking so much time of the teacher's time by not going straight into a dropback. Y'know...?)

So I got halfway in a hangback and my back felt more open today, and I dropped back with no fuss. As I was standing back up again, I got nervous and didn't use the breath AND came up first with my head. TWO BIG NO-NOS! So of course I danced around a little bit as I stood up and Sharath laughed.

The second one I did, I didn't realize how close he was standing in front of me and as I hauled myself up, I almost crashed straight into him and had to grab him to brake. As I danced around at the top of my mat AGAIN, he said "No running!"

HAHAHA! I really like his sense of humour. :)

By the third one, I think he got bored I was taking so long so he adjusted my neighbour in Supta Kurmasana, and I think I did a so-so attempt at standing back up again. I dunno - this standing up from backbends has been flaky in the past week. I get all anxious and forget to use my inhale, use the legs and leave the head behind as the last thing that comes back up again. So I'm a bit wobbly as I come up.

Ah well... Practice and all is coming.

Today's coconut count: 5. (I think this is my daily record so far.)
I'll write about the legendary coconut stand another time, but guess what happens to all those coconut husks when the yogis have had their fill? ...The goats come in and clean up after us! Recycling in action, fer shizzle!



Another shot of yesterday's Sanskrit homework for Evelyn. I'm learning how to put vowels to consonants now. Today, we learned how to put this all together in an actual word. Wait till you see the homework for THAT! It's gonna be squiggles galore!


And I've saved the best shot for last. My favourite time of day here is dusk. Not because that's when the mozzies come out to play, but coz the light here at dusk glows this really pretty rose/ orange/ pink tint. Everything is bathed in this rose-tinted colour, it's so magically beautiful. I was in Goa about 7 years ago now, and this was the same exact kind of light you get there at dusk too.


Have a Happy 6-day practice this week! :)

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"Yoga should be 24-into-7"

Quote from my Hatha Yoga Pradipika teacher today on verse 14 (who also teaches the Chanting and Sanskrit classes).

Thoughts on today's 24-into-7 of yoga:

*LED PRIMARY
1. Was expecting SUPER S.L.O.W. counts from Sharath, coz that's how I remember the 2 weeks of led Primary in his Sydney workshop were like. His count seemed manageable today. So either he wasn't counting as slowly today or I've slowed my breath down since his Sydney workshop. Maybe both. But of course his count was still torturous in Navasana and Uthpluthi. And dear old Sirsasana (I lasted till his 6th count which is further than I got in Sydney, but still - 6 of his counts equals 20 of my counts). !!!!!

2. On a purely physical level, doing today's led Primary with him was a good gauge from where I left off the last led Primary with him in Sydney. Seems ridiculous since that was pretty much a year and 2 months ago. But seriously - a led class with him with proper counts and group energy is like no other, and those 2 weeks with him left a lasting impression on the way I practiced since. Respect; He has Kungfu (If you have a chance to do any of his US workshops this year in Encinitas or New York: DO IT.) And of course, while I may be going deeper in some poses now than a year ago, my stamina has completely gone down the toilet. Towards the end, I was huffing and puffing to keep up. My simple aim is to get my stamina to get through the Primary series back on form again. A month of almost daily practice should help this.

3. On a mental level, today's practice was the most focused and clear I've been all week. Something about physically listening to the counts and poses as they're called out helps bring the mind to one point. Also, there was waaaaaaaay less faffing today. You just do it. Get into the pose, hold it, vinyasa-out, then you're onto the next. So simple. As it should be, really. I found I didn't perspire as much, or rather, my dripping sweat (and believe you me, I POUR SWEAT when I practice) didn't seem to bother me today as much as it does in self-practice (no brow-mopping with towel). There was some nose-blowing, but MUCH LESS than usual. And HEY PRESTO! That all led to a much quieter, focused practice. Who'd have thunk.

4. The Police Commissioner (I think that's him?) is a special student in the shala. He's a portly, middle-aged, graying dude in glasses who usually wanders in around 6.30am and has TWO mat spaces up front reserved for him. While the rest of us have to queue and wait for our turn, he just waltzes through the doors and plonks his mat down on his TWO reserved mat spaces when he arrives. He usually just comes in and gets on with his practice, but today, he arrived after Sharath had begun the led class, and I almost burst out laughing when the dude was just carrying on and doing his own thing! He was doing self-practice in the middle of the led class! R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Student with special privileges. Hats off to him though, he has been there everyday since I've been there, so he is definitely a dedicated student. :)

*CHANTING, SANSKRIT & HYP CLASS
1. Loving the chanting class. Shantimantra, Gurustotram, and another one we start with before every class, I dunno what it's officially called but starts with "vakratunda mahakaya". NOTHING RELIGIOUS OR FUNDAMENTALIST ABOUT THESE CHANTS! Traditionally, a student has to be studying for a SUPER LONG TIME before the teacher will consider teaching any "higher level" chants to them. So all of these beginner level chants are pretty much about positivity, peace and light. World peace, I say!

We are also chanting out all the asanas in the Primary series, and chanting out the Sanskrit numbers from 1 to 30. Because these are the only Sanskrit words/ chants I'm familiar with, and we chant them out in that monotone-Indian-chant-way (I dunno how else to describe this!)... Because of the familiarity with these words, I feel almost lulled into a meditative zone with these chants. I leave the class feeling blissed out and relaxed.

2. Sanskrit is interesting. It's kinda hieroglyphic-y like Mandarin Chinese is, and it's kinda interesting seeing how the words are built up from the different parts. Similar to written Chinese in that sense, but that's about it. Practising writing Sanskrit is pretty much just getting used to what the squiggles look like at this point. I'm copying the Sanskrit alphabet blindly and have ZERO desire to have mastered anything after this beyond becoming familiar with the different sounds, and recognizing how the English phonetics should be pronounced, what with all the squiggly bits, slashes and dots around the alphabets (coz the English phonetics in Sanskrit works like the English Pinyin for those who understand Mandarin).

For Evelyn:



3. We are chanting out the verses of the Gita in Sanskrit, and also the Hatha Yoga Pradipika in Sanskrit. As you can imagine, that's A LOT of Sanskrit chanting in one day! The only explanation given is for the Pradipika. We go a few verses at a time. There is no higher level philosophical discussion beyond this. It's almost like a traditional "Teacher says so, you just absorb" way of teaching. Maybe this is cultural? After all, Krishnamacharya had to be with his teacher, Rama Mohan Bramachari, for a LONG TIME before Rama Mohan began to teach him anything at all. AG Mohan alluded to this at last Sunday's conference. That there are "different levels" of teaching, for different levels of students (depending how serious you are as a student and more importantly, HOW LONG you have shown dedication to the subject).

I find it interesting that our teacher today made a point of saying "You all are my friends, not my students." FRIENDS?! I wondered if it's coz we're deemed "not worthy" of being his students. I mean, how many of us are just passing through for a month or a few months at a time as opposed to having studied seriously for a long time, right? ...And in any case, who determines how "serious" a student is, anyways?!

...But I had another interesting point-of-view from someone else who explained that this teacher is super humble and doesn't deem himself worthy of being called a teacher, which is why he doesn't have "students", just "friends". WOW. That's fresh! Taking into account the whole cultural-lost-in-translation thing makes me wonder if I'll ever "get" this whole yoga thing. I am loving being at the source, but I also wonder how much more I'm really missing out on coz of cultural innuendos just like that. I mean... How much is already lost through the language itself? Some things just can't quite be translated. I am finding myself asking more questions than there are answers for.

But... Maybe asking and figuring out these questions is part of the whole point, too?

*FOOD
I'm expanding my repertoire of Indian food beyond Masala Dosas and Thalis. I'm just being gung-ho now and trying whatever I point to on the menu. It's all vegetarian anyways, and when am I ever gonna have that kind of luxury anywhere else? A whole menu of things I can eat, not just 1 or 2 options?! HELL YEAH!

So glad I'm doing this coz LOOK AT THIS FOOD! Akki Roti for dinner last night. A thick pancake with onions, chives, sesame seeds, green chilli, what looks like dill but doesn't taste like dill... and a chutney dip that's like a mix of coconut chutney and sambar.


Breakfast this morning, Rava Dosa. A much thinner dosa, with onion, chives and dried coconut in it. Super thin and crispy. With coconut chutney and I have no clue what that dip is in the left but it was EFFING DEELISH.


Lunch today with the most-est, loveliest (0v0) and friends at another special home-cooked meal place. Like seriously - we went to a local lady's house and she cooked us a home-cooked meal. It was probably 4 times the price of a regular restaurant meal (but still, like what... €2.50?), but oh-so-delicious. We sat on the floor of her living room and ate with our hands. There were a few other groups there too. Super awesome experience and with great company too! (No pictures of people to protect their privacy! It's just all food here!)


And to end off with dinner tonight, my landlord brought me up a dish he experimented with tonight - a dahl dish that he created from scratch, with some chepatis. This was probably hands down THE BEST MEAL I have had since being here. I think it's coz he actually cooked this for his family and you could taste the special ingredient in there: Love. That's terribly cheezy, but that must be it. I just feel special enough to have been given a taste of it. :)


I think I've had a pretty damn good 24-into-7 day of yoga today. :)

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Chillaxing

I hate that word CHILLAXING. But I continue to use it coz it makes me laugh at its ridiculousness.

I think I'm gonna kill myself on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I was just super exhausted by the end of my day yesterday, and my schedule looked like this:

5.30am: Wake Up
6.00am: Rickshaw pick up (it's only a 10min walk to the shala, but I'm chicken shit when it's dark out, especially walking alone as a single female. So I'll just pay the 20 Rupees, or €0.33 for the worry-free 2-minute morning rickshaw ride)
6.15am-ish (that's 6.30am-ish shala time): Start Practice
8.15am-ish (that's 8.00am-ish shala time): Have a coconut at Guru's (or two)
9.00am: Shower and do laundry
11.00am (shala time): Chanting class
12.00pm: Rest, Email, Skype, Tweet, Facebook
1.30pm: Lunch
3pm: Rest, Email, Skype, Tweet, Facebook
4.30pm (shala time): Sanskrit class
5.15pm (shala time): Bhagavad Gita + Hatha Yoga Pradipika class
6.30pm: Rest, Email, Skype, Tweet, Facebook, Blog
10pm: Sleep (I should really be sleeping earlier...)

Hence, I will have ZERO interest in socialising on these days, I'm sure.

Now that today is completely free after practice, I'm looking forward to having a nap, then going through some of my Sanskrit notes. Yes, I am going to be the geeky student who will be practicing my Sanskrit writing. (Did I mention a couple months ago that I started some beginners' Dutch classes in Amsterdam too? Now I'm aiming for beginners' Sanskrit here. By the end of this life, I'm gonna become a master linguist of beginner's level languages.) (No, not a cunning one. BAHAHAHA!)

I had zero interest in socialising again today, but then (OvO) tweeted and asked if I had met my daily coconut quota yet. COCONUT WITH OWL?!? HELL YEAH!!! (I forgot to mention, we were sat right next to each other during Sanskrit class yesterday). :) ...So that will be my one and only mission later today. :)

SUPER HUNGRY post-practice today, so I got a Paper Masala Dosai. Don't mess with this big boy. The masala in it refers to a scoop of potato masala they put right in the middle. Authana's masala is THE BOMB. That's my requisite "black coffee, no sugar" with breakfast. The waiter looked at me like I was hardcore mad with my coffee order. "Black Coffee means NO MILK?! ...And NO SUGAR?!?? Sugar on the side, no? ...NO?!?"


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A Yogini On Beauty

OK, so not too long ago, I took a Mysore class with KM in London. You can read about that post here. In it, I blabbed my internal dialogue about "Wow, she's wearing make-up".

Stupid little detail I picked up on, and perhaps a part of me was also judging her. But... Who am I to judge? And judge her for what? Wearing make-up while teaching? Seriously?! (What kind of bitchy cow am I?!)

I might not connect with her teaching adjustments, but I've always connected with the articles she writes and the truth that she speaks. And once again, I have been put back in my place. A friend sent me this video of KM on beauty and the body. And she's 100% right (KM, that is). Thanks for the link, Yoga Mama!
(Also... She shaved her head?! RESPECT.)


(Oh yeah... put aside all judgment of that cheezy piano track in the intro and outro. And... is that REALLY a gauzy/ diffused effect used towards the end?) (Sorry, occupational hazard that I notice these things... the people who made this video should've just kept it simple!)

Speaking of which, I went for a facial and pedicure today. HAHAHA! It was a lovely ME, MYSELF AND I day. And yes, I did it because I wanted to treat myself (and paschimottanasana drishti was getting distracting with my manky toes). :)



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It's ALL Practice!

I have been told by my Yoga-Practice-Angel, aka Fran, to stop obsessing about all the other million and one things in my life and get back to obsessing about Ashtanga (see her comment from previous post.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thanks, Fran! Sometimes we all just need a good kick up the butts. Right? Consider this butt kicked. :)

It's been said many times before that any kind of injury teaches us humility on our mats. It's so true in this case. My busted foot is by no means a yoga injury, but trying to keep up some kind of asana practice has been INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT.

Even getting through any of the seated poses has been awkward. Any time my left foot is moved beyond a certain angle, the muscle where my arch is hurts to high heaven. Easy poses like Janu Sirsasana A become incredibly painful on the foot. Like... SERIOUSLY?! So I end up doing more poses on the right side than on the left... And then end up feeling lopsided and thinking "This can't be good for me." Right?

I feel like a fish out of water without being able to do my regular practice. It's a good reminder to just BLOODY JOYFULLY SURRENDER to where my body is at right now. I feel like such a cop-out, especially after recently getting back into the swing of practice again in London and thinking "I'm NEVER gonna stop practicing again!"

Moral of the story: NEVER say NEVER.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can still hear my Physio tut-tutting me about not resting my foot enough. I thought finally getting a bike and being mobile again would take some pressure off this foot. As it turns out, I realize now I stop and push off on the bike with my left foot. So any time I come to a stop, the foot goes BAM! on the road and I feel a shock up my arch. Oh shit. (I tried doing it in reverse, pushing off and stopping with the right foot. BUT. My body just doesn't get it. Have you ever tried putting on a shirt the other way around - putting in the arm you DON'T usually put in first? It's a total mindfuck and even after the shirt is on, something feels off-kilter.)

The Universe is obviously making me rethink my situation and circumstances... And the more I think about it, the more it feels like maybe it's making me think about the attachment to practice. I fully believe attachment to practice is GOOD. Sharath said so too during his conference in Sydney. (Sorry, I hate to use the "Sharath said so" phrase too, but look at me using it!!)

A few times in the past week, when the asana practice has become either too physically laboured on the foot or just too much of a mental distraction (I find myself thinking "when will this bloody foot get better?!" then lose focus on breath/ bandhas/ drishti)... I've just stopped completely and moved into a Pranayama practice. Just a simple 10 minute exercise of sitting with only the Ujjayi breath for 10 counts on the inhale and exhale, then moving into Kumbhakas (breath retention) after the inhales/exhales... has made such a BIG difference to my frame of mind.

Maybe it's the Ujjayi breath, but it seems to be able to recharge me much more than my asana practice has in the past couple of weeks. So... it's not quite Pattabhi Jois' Ashtanga Yoga, but I'm practicing a different limb of ashtanga yoga - not the asanas, but the pranayamas. Who cares?! It makes a difference to how I feel, so I'll take what I can get.

I still can't stop that niggling sobbing (no, WAILING) in the back of my mind... MY DROPBACKS!! MY STANDING UP FROM DROPBACKS!!! I just got those back and I'm back to "square one" AGAIN?!? Holyfuckingshitthissucks.

Sorry, bad lady. I'm only human.

The GOOD NEWS is... Today, I emailed KPJAYI coz I still hadn't heard back from them about my application. I sent them a scan of my application form and they replied the same day and said OK, I'm in. (Er... why do they make you snail-mail the application then?!)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

I've booked my flight already. ON IT!

Now sorting out this vedic studies visa thingamajig. I'm still in the midst of figuring it out, since I'm not a Dutch local here and things get a little more complicated. I actually have to make a train ride out to The Hague where the Embassy is to personally make the application. Another adventure.

Once I've figured it out, I will definitely post step-by-step info on what YOU need to do to get your ass to Mysore. Everyone seems to be a bit confused by this new yoga student/ vedic studies visa regulation now. So when I know what to do, SO WILL YOU! :)

OK... So now starts the next mild panic of "getting my practice back to where it was" before I get to Mysore. It's been 8 months and I'm still stuck at Laghuvajrasana (moving countries and turning my life upside down might figure into that but I can't see past that now.) Holyfuckingshitthissucks. I am convinced I will be stopped at Supta Kurmasana coz I've completely lost that bind. Then the other voice in my head keeps saying "SO WHAT EVEN IF YOU GET STOPPED AT... AT... NAVASANA?!? SO WHAT?!?!??????"

Trying to joyfully surrender to this process and stop playing mind games with myself. Holyfuckingshitthissucks.

I apologize for all the swearing today.

*End of today's yoga obsession*

On to my next obsession: Finding the perfect wicker basket for the bicycle.
Here's your reminder of what it looks like:


This?

(I'm leaning towards this. But maintaining the all-white look will be a bee-atch!)

Or this?