Are We "There" Yet?

I've been thinking.

I've been trying to re-balance or juggle my life. Since I've decided I'm ready to teach yoga, I've been in contact with some studios to make this happen. But in order to finally teach at their studios, I also need to familiarize myself either with their sequence or students or way of teaching.

And this means going to their studios and assisting in adjustments or taking classes as a student, but approaching it from a completely different point-of-view where I'm not really practicing for myself, but really thinking of how I would teach the class, how it would feel to be a student in the class, how I would call out the same instruction so that it's as concise and clear as possible... So I've been doing less self-practice at home, but alternating yoga practices between 2 different studios.

One's at Shanti, which you've read all about, and the other I haven't taught at yet, but will possibly be starting some time soon. I know I've got to go through these practice sessions coz they'll make me a better teacher, but at the same time, they're not quite a regular self-practice coz I haven't been practicing for ME. It's been for my students, if that makes any sense at all. And I'm trying to balance self-practice, teaching, taking yoga classes as a student (which helps in my teaching so doesn't count as self-practice in my book), and the rest of life which includes a full day of work as well.

Needless to say, the 6 day a week self-practice has completely fallen away; I haven't touched the intermediate series in weeks! In order to get that going again, I'd have to haul my ass out of bed at 6am in order to spend time with my personal practice before headed off to a full day of work, then adjusting or teaching or taking a class at the end of the day and I'm not sure if I could be THAT committed. And I'm struggling to accept that.

So I'm now also thinking about WHY it seems so important for me to continue a self-practice on my own, why going to a class still isn't enough for me. Why is it so important to finally "get" those poses I struggle with... and why do I fear that not keeping a regular practice means I'll have to work my body up to a certain level again before attempting those poses. Why can't I just let go of this over-achieving ego and accept that things are as they should be?

I suppose I'm figuring out a new routine - incorporating teaching yoga in my life - and frustrated I'm not getting there fast enough, wherever "there" is.